


Talk Ain't Cheap

by Chewie4370



Category: Twilight Series - All Media Types, Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: College, Dirty Talk, First Love, M/M, Money, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-09-30
Updated: 2012-10-22
Packaged: 2017-11-02 13:58:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 36,456
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/369748
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chewie4370/pseuds/Chewie4370
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jasper Whitlock works for Durty Talk -- The premire smut talk hotline-- and he hates it. But when he gets a call from a shy, unsure, Edward M. he begins to find something about the job that he actually likes . . . maybe even love. How much does it really cost you just to talk?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> All characters though revised are the property of Stephanie Meyere, creator of the Twilight Saga. All other likeness is coincidental and no infringement is intended. I own the plot only.  
> Thank you for taking the time to read.  
> Please leave a review!

Talk Ain't Cheap  
Chapter 1

“I can’t wait ‘til the next time I can stick my hard cock in that drippin’ wet pussy.”

“Fuck, Jasper, I love the way you talk to me. Until next time, my . . . southern gentleman.”

The line went dead just as I was about to throw up in my mouth. Fuck, I hate my job, but whatever it takes to pay the bills, right? 

“Oh, god! This is the longest night ever,” I growl into my hand. I knew everyone around me was on the phone and I didn’t want to “kill their mood.” 

“Come on, Jasper, not tonight, okay? You complain every single night but you keep coming back. Just fucking deal with it already,” Carlisle said. 

He was right, I did come back every single night. I was goin’ to keep coming back, all so that I could pay the bills . . . and hear his voice. 

Being on scholarship at the University of Washington was paying for my bachelor degree in World History, but it didn’t pay my half of the bills at the one bedroom apartment I shared with Carlisle, and it definitely didn’t feed me. So what does a guy with a deep southern accent do to make ends meet? Why, work for DurtyTalk, the premier hotline for all your dirty talking needs, of course. 

Now don’t get me wrong, I like a little smut in my mix every now and then, but under the right circumstances. Give me some fuck hot guy, and a little privacy and I could make him cream his pants before he even got the pleasure of feeling me deep; but a five by five cubical with nothing in front of me but a computer screen to tell me my callers name and call frequency and a phone line was not my idea of a conducive environment for spicy language. There was also the small detail that ninety-eight percent of my callers were female. 

Again, don’t get me wrong, I think women can be pretty. My mother and sister are the most beautiful women I know, but having to imagine what I would do with a woman to put together the words to get her $2.99 per minute worth was hard, and not in a good way. I know women’s anatomy and I have seen a few hetero and lesbian pornos, so I had to pull on all that “experience’ to get through each call. Most guys left the job with seriously hard problems that either their girlfriend or right hand worked out for them but not me; not most nights anyway. There was one caller that did make me think this job might be worth it; I looked forward to his call every week. 

“Why looka here, if it ain’t my favorite little red head. Victoria, I have missed that fat pussy of yours,” I said into the phone, rolling my eyes as I spoke. 

“Jasper, baby, I need you so bad tonight.” 

“What can ya daddy do for you, huh? You want me to finger that fat pussy of yours? No, I know what my Victoria needs; you want me to fuck you with my tongue, right? Swallow all around that clit.” I dropped my head in my text book, fighting back another groan. 

Victoria was one of my regulars. She was a thirty something soccer mom whose husband, James, traveled way too much. 

“Yes, daddy! I want all that and so much more.”

“Are you touchin’ yourself, sexy? Rub that clit for me.” 

“Oh, Jazz, I’m so wet for you.” 

I groaned at the sound of Victoria’s sex laced voice coming through the receiver. I know her words were supposed to be spurring me on, but they were just making me cringe. The mental image she was giving me only makes me want to run and hide. I couldn’t even get my mind around it enough to imagine something more pleasurable to me. Every time I heard her throaty high pitch moans I swear I felt my dick draw in closer to my body as if the “The General” was trying to hide from it, too. 

“Oh, I feel it baby. Fuck! Those sweet pussy juices dripping. Let me fuck it. Gotta have it.” 

“Yes, Jasper! Yes. Fuck me hard.” Victoria was hardly whispering; the house must have been completely empty she was screaming so loud. 

“My dick is sliding in that tight pussy. Fuck, I can feel your walls clinching my dick. Oh gotta move, so hot and wet. Can ya feel me darlin’? Can you feel me slammin’ in that body.” 

“Yes,” Victoria whispered. “So good. Not going to last.” 

“Umm me either darlin’. Make me nut inside those walls.” 

Victoria’s breath picked up and I had learned that was a sign that she was close. Thank heavens; I didn’t know how much more I could take. Victoria started whispering out my name. She didn’t really need me anymore to get to her goal but it was a part of the job. 

“That’s it. Fuck . . . . umm,” I moaned into the phone. “So tight. . . oh god, Victoria . . . fuck me . . . give it to daddy.” 

“Yes . . . yes . . . YES!” Victoria screamed into the phone. This hell was almost over. 

“Umm let me taste your fresh juices,” I started slurping on the phone, thinking of the sound my straw makes when my McDonald’s Ice Tea with lemon is gone. 

“Too good . . . so good. Thank you, daddy. I knew you could make me feel better; you always do.”

“It was my pleasure, suga. I can’t wait ‘til I get to feel you again.” 

“Bye, Jazz.” 

The call went dead, my computer screen went blank. I poured water into my mouth trying to fight back the unnerving feeling I got after every call. This just wasn’t the way I did things and it shocks my core with every call. 

I wasn’t the one for meaningless sex, or phone sex for that matter. I needed a body beside me. I could talk on the phone for hours when it was someone I was attracted to, but I just didn’t do the casual thing. I much preferred to have someone to discuss video games and politics with. I was a guy who was in love with being in love; in love with a guy. I had one caller that I had those things with. He was different. I regretted it when his calls would end. 

Luckily I didn’t get any more calls that night; no more regulars and no one requesting a southern accent. I ran out the cramped space, headed home to scrub my skin of the filth I felt I was covered in every time I left that building. 

*~*xXx*~*

“Cheer up man. Its Friday, you will be off for two whole days. You just have to get through the next few hours,” Carlisle said as we walked into the building that housed the DurtyTalk call center. 

“Yeah, I know. I know.” 

“If you hate this job so much why are you doing it? I mean if you want to quit, go ahead. I can hold down the bills for at least two months while you look for another job if you want. It won’t be a problem at all.” 

Carlisle was a good guy. He was at “U Wash” all the way from Maine and I was all the way from Texas. We met freshman year during orientation and clicked immediately. We roomed together our second semester and both agreed we had to hurry the hell up and get our own place. We had been living in the same one bedroom flat for just over a year, each of us working to pay our rent since school was covered by scholarships and grants. I knew Carlisle really could pay all the bills in the house without my help, since his parents were able to send him a little cash each month. That added with what he made at DurtyTalk, he would be fine, but I just couldn’t do that. I didn’t want to use him.

“Carlisle, man I couldn’t ask ya to do that. I do wish I could get another job, and I am looking, but let’s get serious: where am I goin’ to find a job that can pay me what I make here and still have plenty of time for studyin’? This place is a blessin’ and a curse.”

“Sorry man.” Carlisle looked genuinely concerned for me. Like I said, he’s a good guy.

“On the plus side, it’s Friday which means you should be getting a pretty good call today, right?” Carlisle was bouncing his eyebrows annoyingly. I laughed at my corny friend, shaking my head. 

“Yeah, I guess if he calls.” 

“Right? Like he has ever missed a Friday.” 

I tried to play it off like it didn’t matter to me but in all honesty it was the one day of the week I didn’t mind working at the smut hotline. And if I was being honest with my friend, and myself, his call would make or break my weekend. Carlisle was right, in the ten weeks since I had been talking to him on the phone he had not missed a Friday. Every Friday at 9:00 p.m. sharp I was guaranteed at least fifteen minutes with a very sexy, and sometimes shy, voice. It was only the gods who saw to it that I never had a call that made me miss his. I still think about the first few times I talked to him. 

*~*xXx*~*

It had been hell of a Friday. I was exhausted from the work week, having had dealt with all my regulars and a few newbies with weird desires, and not to mention several tests I was preparing for at school. I still had two hours left on the clock and all I could think about was my nice hide-away bed calling my name. My line beeped and computer screen flashed with my next call, pulling me out of the fantasy involving me and the cool side of my pillow. 

His name was Edward M, and it was his first time calling. His bio said that he was twenty years old. His only preference was that he be tended to by a man. No vocabulary choice. No fetishes noted. It was the blankest call screen I had ever seen. I picked up the line not really sure where to start since I knew nothing about him. 

“Um, hello?” His timid voice carried across the line. 

“Well hello, Edward. I have been waitin’ on you darlin’.” 

“Y-you have?” his voice was shaky, but he actually sounded sexy to my ears. My dick was actually stirring awake for the first time ever since working at DurtyTalk. 

“Why of course, babe. Tell Jasper what ya want to do tonight.” 

“I don’t know,” Edward lightly chucked. “I don’t do this kind of thing, normally. I don’t . . .um . . . I don’t know what I am supposed to be doing.” 

“That’s okay darlin’. You just tell me what you want to be doing to me or what you want me to do to you? What’s your fantasy?” 

I was trying to lead the conversation in the right direction but that wasn’t working out too well. With each silent second I was losing my patience with the call. I had resigned in my head from what I had heard from Edward that he was a closet homo and didn’t have the first clue about sex of any sort. The one thing I hated just as much as the filthy mouth women that called were the ones who simply breathe on the phone. 

“Can we just talk? I mean . . . like regular talk?” Edward’s voice was still shaking. 

“Sure darlin’, I guess. What would you like to talk about?” I had went back to my study of Samurai Warriors realizing I wasn’t going to have to be too active in this exchange. Or so I thought. 

“Can you believe they are actually considering sending more troops to Iraq? What are they doing? Where are all the ones we sent the first time?” That line shocked me back into attention. 

“Um, what?” was all that I could come back with. 

“This war in Iraq thing. I mean, is it a real war or are we just trying to find a country to pick on?” 

“Well, we are losing troops every day, so I think it’s as real a war as a war can get. It is senseless though; I have to agree with you there.” I was officially in this conversation, even closing my textbook. 

Edward and I sat on the phone for another ten minutes actually talking aspects of the troops in Iraq and Afghanistan. It was the most real conversation I had ever had in that office, even amongst co-workers. Carlisle had to peek over at my computer screen to see if I was actually on a work call. 

“Thanks, Jasper. Um . . . can I call you again sometime?” Edward’s nervous voice had come back. 

“Yeah, of course,” as if I could have told a customer no but in all honesty if these were the type of calls Edward wanted to spend his money on I was willing to be on the receiving end of them. 

“When the operator comes back on the line jus’ tell ‘em you want to add me as your preference.” 

“Okay. Thank you, Jasper. Um, have a good night. I’ll talk to you soon. Bye.” Edward rushed off the phone. 

The line went dead but I said bye anyway. Edward had stayed on my mind for the rest of the evening. Just before my shift ended I searched in my list of callers for the night to find his bio again. Sure enough he had listed me as his preference. He still hadn’t listed any other information about himself but I was interested in hearing his silky voice moaning in my ear. I hoped that next time he would give me the opportunity to fuck his mind. 

Edward had called every Friday after that. We had talked about everything: politics, cars, movies, video games, and music which I learned he was studying, though he would not tell me where. After about the third Friday’s call I stopped trying to prime Edward’s fantasies out of him. His voice would always be shy whenever I tried to actually talk dirty to him but as soon as we spoke of everyday real world things he would be very nonchalant and down to earth. His knowledge of all things non-sexual was ironically turning me on and his laugh was my favorite sound to hear besides his voice. I didn’t know what Edward looked like but I couldn’t imagine him being anything but beautiful. 

I couldn’t get Edward off my mind be it while on the clock or at home lying alone in my bed. I had convinced Edward to describe himself to me on one call but all that he would give me was he had red hair, green eyes behind black glasses and he was way too skinny. I took him for his word but my mind filled in the rest. 

I imagined running my hands through his hair, kissing his mouth until we were breathless. I could feel Edward pressed to my chest as I ran my hands over his body, holding him tight. Too many mornings I relieved my frustration in the shower thinking of nothing more than Edward’s sexy voice and how it would feel fucking him up against my too small shower wall until he screamed my name. 

Edward and my “relationship” did change on that sixth time he called me. 

My heart was racing as I watched the large analogue clock directly in front of my cubical. When the dial read 9:05 I was getting worried that I wouldn’t hear from him that night. I was surprised how sad that made me. Finally a few minutes later my phone rang and Edward’s name came across my screen. I had to take several deep breaths just to control my rapid heartbeat. I was afraid he was going to hear it over the phone. 

“Hey Edward. How’s it goin’, man?” My voice was shaking for unknown reasons. 

“Hey Jasper,” his voice sounded heavier than normal. I didn’t realize until after the call how concerned I actually was for him. 

“Are ya okay?” 

“Um . . . yes, I’m fine.” He didn’t seem like he was much for talking but he called, so I pushed. 

“So, did you get to catch the Muse online concert,” I started before Edward jumped in.

“Jasper, will you talk to me the way you talk to your other . . . clients?” Edward’s voice was rushing out until he said “clients,” then he just sounded disgusted. 

The thought that maybe my job disgusted Edward hurt me a little but it disgusted me too so I couldn’t really fault him for it. I didn’t really know why all of a sudden Edward’s opinion mattered to me. 

“Why? I didn’t think you . . . why?” 

“I don’t know. You don’t have to if you don’t want. We can talk about something else if you want.” 

“No!” My tone was a little too excited. After all I did want this. I had fantasied about Edward enough in every possible way. This was what I always wanted, right? “I mean it’s your money Edward. It’s all up to you.” 

I regretted my words as soon as I said them. Edward’s loud intake of air over the receiver told me he got the context of those words. I really did care about what Edward wanted. He was more than just some regular to me; I looked forward to hearing from him. 

“Oh,” Edward sounded so crush by my words  
.   
“I mean . . . god I’m so sorry Edward. I didn’t mean it like that. I love talking to you. You just surprised me. I didn’t think you wanted that from me.” 

“You love talking to me?” 

Fuck did I say that? I couldn’t get enough air in my lungs to respond. I was having a small panic attack in my little hole aka my cubical. 

“I love talking to you, too, Jasper.” We were both silent for a minute. My heart beat still hadn’t slowed since I saw his name come across my screen. “I want you to touch me, Jasper . . . everywhere,” Edward added in a whisper. 

I knew this would be hard for him. He was shy on the phone, but he wanted this and god only knows how bad I wanted it. There was no use in denying it. I wanted Edward to know all the things I wanted to do to him. 

“God, Edward your skin feels so good in my hands; so soft and firm. Let me kiss you, Edward, please?” 

“Yes, Jasper.” 

“You smell so sweet. Fuck Edward, I want to lick ya, babe. Are you touching yourself, Edward? Is your hand wrapped around that long thick cock? 

“Fuck . . . yes Jasper . . . so hard.” Edward’s voice was a breathy whisper making the coil in my stomach begin to tighten. 

“Me, too, baby. My dick has never been so hard, Edward. Feel what ya doing to me darlin’. Your hand is squeezing my dick so tight. I love it when you touch me.” 

“Let me taste you, Jasper. I want your dick in my mouth. Let me taste you, please?” Edward begged. 

My dick twitched as the image behind my eyes: Edward down on his knees taking my dick deep in his mouth, slurping around the head. 

“Take it, swallow my dick, Edward.” I could hear him moaning over the line. 

I closed my eyes enjoying the soft sounds coming into my ears, making my dick twitch. Fuck, I needed to touch myself. I was going to cream my pants just from the sounds Edward was making. Behind my eyes I could see the wet sloppy mess Edward was making around my dick. I was slick from his mouth wrapped around me, bobbing up and down, leaving a sheen on my dick from his spit and my pre cum. 

“Taste so good. So mine,” Edward whispered. I had to wonder if he realized he had called me his. I wanted to hear it again. I knew Edward was far gone. I imagined him lying in his bed with his hand around his cock slowly stroking up and down his engorged dick, circling the head. 

“Shit, it’s yours, darlin’. Suck harder . . . faster . . . wetter . . . oh fuck Edward, deeper. Right there, babe don’t stop. I’m goin’ nut Edward, swallow it, swallow all of it. That’s it best fucking head ever. Shit, Edward.” 

My mind and body was having a hard time trying to determine if it was real. My imagination was spurring on my dick, rubbing against the rough texture of my jeans as it grew harder with each image in my head. I was a sticky mess sitting at my cubical. Broken breaths filled the phone line. 

“Ah! . . . shit fuck fuck fuck , Jasper! I’m comming . . . now . . . yes . . . now. . . Jasper!” 

“Yes, that’s it. Nut for me, baby. Come here let me kiss you. Wanna taste me on your tongue.” 

Edward was whispering cusses on the other end. I was too busy trying to figure out what the hell just happen. I always make them come, they never make me come and yet I sat at my desk to afraid to look down and see a very wet spot on my not so dark jeans. Edward and I stayed silent on the phone until I could stand it no longer. 

“Edward?” I was actually afraid that after tonight I wouldn’t hear from him again. 

“Yeah, Jasper? I’m here.” 

“Are you okay? Was that too much?” This is what I got paid for but the last thing I wanted was to lose his call. What if it wasn’t what he thought it would be? 

“Um . . . I’m a little sticky and sweaty and very sleepy,” Edward joked although I could hear him using his shy voice. I had to laugh at his words. “But I am better than okay.” 

“Okay . . . good . . . I just . . . I didn’t know what you expected. I don’t want you to stop calling me,” I confessed to him. I was actually showing feelings for a man I hardly knew and yet without a question cared about. 

“I don’t think you can ever lose me, Jasper.” Something in his words were saying so much more as if they were speaking to the part of me that felt that Edward could never lose me either.“I better go.”

“Oh, okay.” 

Edward never said goodbye or his usual “talk to you soon.” I was nervous. I yanked off my head phones as soon as the computer screen went blank. 

“I need air,” I quickly shouted at Carlisle before putting my phone on “away” and walking from my desk. 

I stood outside under the street light desperately trying to catch my breath. I didn’t know what the hell had happened. In only a few short weeks, a few fifteen minute phone calls, Edward had went from just another client to a, dare I say it, friend, to the one man who made me fuck my pants to a nut while at work. In what fuckin’ universe did that happen? 

That night I didn’t sleep, my thoughts too filled with everything Edward. I replayed his words in my head as if they were on a CD, music to my ears. I couldn’t help but touch myself at the thought of those sounds Edward was making. Edward’s call wasn’t just some dirty words between a phone whore and his client; they had feelings and passion mix with them. When I had fucked my hand to a nut relaxing relief I rubbed my face to find that I had begun to cry. I wanted so much more of Edward and yet I knew it wasn’t possible. 

The next Friday I sat at my phone anxious to see if I would be granted with his call. At nine o’clock straight up his name appeared on my screen and I let out a breath of deep relief. I was so lost in thanking the gods that he had returned to me that I let the line ring far too long. I finally reached for the line button and realized we were right back at where we started; I didn’t know what to say to him. 

With everyone else I just simply jumped into the fantasy I know they want, but Edward was so much more. He was my fantasy and I wanted to be his. I was too afraid to ask him besides it was too inappropriate. He was the client and I was the phone whore, we could be nothing more. 

“Hey Edward,” I eventually started. 

“Hi, Jasper,” his voice sounded relax and enticing to my ears. 

“What . . .um . . . do you want to talk about tonight?” I was completely lost. I had never had a problem starting my role on these calls, no matter how much I hated them, but Edward was more than just another call. 

“I was hoping we could get to know each other more tonight . . . um . . . if that’s okay with you?”

“I would really like to learn more about you Edward.” 

Our calls were different after that but in a good way. We did still talk about current events and things that happened with us day to day. We were both still reserved, still being careful about telling the other about where we went to school or identifying things like that. Each called ended with a little bit of dirty talk but with Edward it wasn’t so much dirty, it was more like two lovers coming together at the end of their day; connecting and intimate, though we never saw each other or touched. Edward would always moan me to my release as I talked him to his. Our call would end with shy goodbyes as if we were holding back words; I know that I was. 

Edward was my solace at that desk every Friday night but I was growing weary. I wanted more of him. 

*~*xXx*~*

I sat at my desk anxious as always to get to the one call I really wanted to have. I had made up in my mind that whatever was going on with Edward and I, even if it was all in my head, I had to know more. I knew I was taking a risk since I could possibly scare him off but I had to take that chance. I couldn’t take any more lonely nights and hard mornings, biding my time until his sultry voice was in my ear. I had to make the next move and that move was going to be tonight. 

“I’ve been such a bad girl, Professor Jazz. I think I need . . . the paddle,” Jessica moaned in my ear in her best, and yet the worst I had ever heard, naughty catholic school girl voice. 

“I think you do darlin’. Just know this turns me on more than it does you. Now bend over that desk and let me see that ass,” I said as I was rolling my eyes. 

“Yes, Professor give it to me. So hot,” Jessica moaned. 

“One,” I counted off hitting my hand against the desk for sound effects. I was actually having to keep from laughing. This shit couldn’t get any more ridiculous. “Two . . . three . . . four,” I kept counting off with each swat on the hard surface. Jessica was moaning uncontrollably in my ear. I wanted to puke. I am sure the tingling in my hand was the only thing keeping me focused. 

“Fuck, Professor! I am so turned on. Need you to . . . teach me a lesson.” 

“Is that so? Well let’s start with division. Open those legs so I can see that wet pink pussy.” I really didn’t know how I was keeping up this charade. 

“Fuck, Professor! Touch me, fuck me so hard.”

“That’s it. You can feel my hands running over that so hot, so wet spot. Tell me you like it, little girl. Scream my name.” 

“Jasper! Yes, Professor Jasper!” 

Jessica moaned and cussed into the phone for what seemed like forever as I continued to fuck her mind with a southern accent and her own little imagination. Really, I had no problem with people and their little desires but didn’t this feel . . . lacking to them? I could role play with the best of them but having to do it alone, into my own hand was devastating. It was like pretending to drive a car when I had a BMW outside. 

I finally managed to make Jessica come after fucking her doggy style while continuing her spanking. Twenty minutes and one naughty student/dirty professor fantasy later I had a free line and a very limp dick. All I need was for my boy to call me to rejuvenate my faith in what was really hot: real world issues and hot boy on boy lovin’. I was so anxious for the call and afraid someone else would interrupt me, I put my phone on “away” until 8:57. 

When I did turn my phone back on I immediately got a call. My screen read Isabella S. 

Isabella was a sweet girl, she kind of reminded me of my Edward: shy and sounded a little awkward. She never wanted anything special, just someone to talk her through her own “self-love.” Her calls were always brief and I usually didn’t mind taking them but not tonight. I switched my phone back to “away” long enough for the call to be routed to another rep. When my line went blank again I turned my phone back on and waited on pins and needles for the only call I wanted. 

I was giving myself pep talks, rubbing my hands down the front of my jeans as I waited on my screen to light up again. My leg was bouncing uncontrollably and everything around me seemed too heavy. The air I was trying to pull into my lungs was too thick and seemed not to fit into my body and my clothes were either growing in mass or shrinking in size; I had never been more aware of how heavy cotton really was as I willed time to move in that miniature cell where I sat. It was now or never. I was going to ask Edward out on a date no matter the cost. Fuck, I was afraid of the cost. 

My screen flashed and the most glorious name came across the screen. Ten weeks and he still hadn’t noted any preferences beside from talking to me. I had considered going into his bio and adding some of the things I had learned but decided it was nobody’s damn business but mine. Edward was all mine and what I knew about him was for my mind only. Fuck that system and the other reps; he wouldn’t be talking to them anyway. All that I needed to know about Edward’s bio was already stored in my mind and I was hoping to be able to download more, sooner rather than later. 

Wait, that didn’t come out right . . . 

I reached for my headset to start the call I hoped would irrevocably change my life. 

“Hey, Edward,” my voice came out rougher and higher than usual at the same time. I coughed and tried that greeting again but Edward was so excited he didn’t seem to notice.

“Man, Jasper, did you hear? Daughtery will be doing an impromptu concert for one night only tomorrow in Olympia. Fuck, I would love to see that.” 

It was fate throwing me a confirmation. I had planned to save this for the end of the call just in case this was the last time I got to talk to him; one more memory to add to my lonely nights, but since he brought it up it was now or never. Fuckin’ time to throw on the southern charm and brass balls. 

“Well, darlin’ you may be in luck.” Edward told me he liked the way I said darlin’ so I tried to use it as much as possible. “I actually have two tickets.” Suddenly, my heart beat picked up a dangerous speed and those brass balls changed to feathers. I cleared my throat to prepare to go in for the kill . . . what was going to get killed was still up for discussion. 

“Would you . . . um . . . would you like to go with me? I mean if you want . . . no pressure . . . you don’t . . . have to . . . it’s just if you want . . . since I have the extra ticket.” I   
couldn’t deal with the silence and though I knew I was repeating the same words over and over it sounded better than the subtle white noise of the crappy hotline phone. 

“Oh . . . wow,” Edward began and my chest was about to cave in on itself. 

Did I just ruin the best thing about my week in one single question? I wanted to talk again but my voice was lost and my stomach was somewhere down around my ankles. Were those crickets chirping? 

“Sure . . . why not?” Edward kept clearing his throat, his usual sign of nervousness. 

My mind was reeling with the fact that he said yes. He did say yes, didn’t he?

“Yes? Really?” Why did I sound so surprised. I mean fuck where was my Texas size confidence? 

“Yeah, that could be fun.” The way Edward said the words didn’t sound quite enthusiastic, but I decided to take what I could get for the moment. 

“Great. Okay . . .Great.” 

I gave him my number and he reluctantly gave me his. We made plans for me to pick him up from his place at about five so we could have time to drive to Olympia just over an hour away, grab some dinner, and find parking. I was elated to see Edward only stayed less than ten minutes from my place. We only stayed on the phone long enough to exchange information. 

“Well I better go, Jasper. Um . . . I guess I’ll see you tomorrow then.” Shy and nervous Edward was vocally sexy Edward. 

“Yeah, I can’t wait,” I beamed into the phone. 

The line went dead without another goodbye, but I didn’t care. Nothing could wipe the smile off my face. I closed out my last two hours on a natural high. The ladies got a little bit extra from me the rest of my shift: a few more enthusiastic groans, some nastier words and even some new fantasies. They were very satisfied, and though they reaped the benefits of the upbeat me they should have been saying thank you to Edward because it was his voice I was hearing on every call repeatedly telling me, “Yes, I’ll go out with you, Jasper.” 

*~*xXx*~*

“I can’t believe you are going out with this guy? Are you sure about this? What if he is a total gremlin? Then what are you going to do?” Carlisle stood in the bathroom doorway as I dressed. 

“Dude, if you ever heard his voice you wouldn’t think he could even possibly be a gremlin, okay? Besides, I like him. I just have to see what happens.” I was nervous enough, not about Edward’s looks; that shit wasn’t always important, but about if we would connect the same as we did over the phone. 

There is a big difference between a couple fifteen minute calls once a week and a one hour drive to and from a city with nothing but music to fill the silence. My nerves were growing even more frantic and if I didn’t calm down I was going to seriously hurl. 

“Now get the fuck out of here so I can get all dapper and shit,” I said as I closed the bathroom door on Carlisle’s face. I was already mostly dress, I just didn’t want him to see me have one last panic attack before I left to meet the man whose voice starred in my fantasies every night and morning.

I arrived at Edward’s house as scheduled. As I stepped out of my truck I ran my hands down my dark stone washed jeans, and across my long sleeve black t-shirt. I left the shirt un-tucked mostly except in the front where my silver belt buckle could be seen. Gotta show off the “Platinum Bull” every chance I get, after all. My cowboy boots were freshly polished and the silver tips caught the light of the setting sun. I actually asked Carlisle’s girlfriend, Esme, what I should wear. She suggested anything that would draw more attention to my blond hair and baby blue eyes. I couldn’t lie: the eyes was always what made the men melt. 

I walked to the door and rang the bell. My stomach was churning and I didn’t know if I was going to keep from reliving that sub sandwich I had for an early lunch. After some time an angel came to the door and I am pretty certain I moaned. 

“Hi . . . Jasper?” His voice was even smoother without the interference of electronic parts. Shit! I moaned again. 

He was standing in the doorway waiting on me to say . . . something, I am sure. All that I could see was that the voice of my dreams was officially the man of my dreams. Edward wore dark denim jeans, black and green old school Converse and a green polo shirt that showed he wasn’t as lanky as he described himself to be. He had to be at least six foot two, just under me and his eyes sparkled green. I was lost in them. Fuck, I still hadn’t said anything to him in all of my staring. 

“Yeah . . . um I’m sorry. Jasper, that’s me.” I was sounding like a bumbling idiot. Then Edward smiled and it only got worst. “Fuck, darlin’ you are beautiful.” 

Damnit! Did he just blush? I was a gonner, my dick was pulsing and we hadn’t even made it away from his house. I managed to look away from him long enough to get some sense of cohesiveness to my thoughts. 

“We better get going if we don’t want to be late for the concert.” 

“Okay,” Edward said. We were both avoiding eye contact whenever the other one would look. I only hoped I was as appealing to him as he was to me. 

On the drive to Olympia I finally learned that the “M” in Edward M., stood for Masen and he was from Chicago. Edward was attending University of Washington. I almost ran off the road when he shared that tidbit. I didn’t understand how I had managed not to ever meet him on campus. But he was a sophomore studying for a Bachelor in both music and business with concentration on technology; translation: our classes were on two opposite ends of the campus. 

Edward was every bit as shy, nervous, and smart as he was over the phone. When he spoke and was unsure of himself he said “um” a lot. Now that I had gotten the pleasure of seeing him face to face I could add running his hands through is already perfectly messy hair and avoiding eye contact to his list of mannerisms. I had some seriously sexy visuals to add to the list of sounds that stay on repeat in my head. 

“You aren’t wearing glasses,” I stated rather than asked as we sat at our dinner table waiting on the pizza to arrive. I was so lost in his beautiful green eyes I had forgotten he told me he wore them. 

“Huh? Oh,” Edward reached up to touch the side of his face as if he was pushing the invisible specs back into place, “I decided not to wear them tonight. Good impression and all,” he said still avoiding eye contact. 

“Something tells me ya would have looked excellent no matter what.” I laced my fingers through his under the table. 

I was done with being reserved. It was time to turn on the Whitlock charm. I wanted this boy every way I could get him. I slid my chair closer to him, making sure our legs touched and our hands were securely together. I ran my other hand along his jaw, lifting his chin to fine those emerald eyes I wanted to get lost in. I inched closer to his face, wanting to taste his lips. Edward didn’t stop me, but seemed to be moving closer just the same as I. I watched his face as he slowly closed his eyes in anticipation. Fuck! He wanted this just as much as I did. 

“Is this okay?” I asked a mere breath away from his lips. 

“Yes,” he whispered and I didn’t waste another nanosecond to finally touch my lips to his rosy flesh. He was so soft and tasted sweet as honey. 

I didn’t want to move too fast. I was already on an emotional high just being with him. He was so much more than some sexy voice, a client I heard from once a week. He was the smart, handsome, sometimes shy, man of my very wet dreams and I didn’t want to let him go. My mind raced on how far things should go as I continued to lose myself in his taste. I had already made him come over the phone and heard his sexy moans, so we were as close as boyfriends, right?   
Fuck! The things I would give to hear and see him come? Talk about gorgeous. 

Edward moaned around my parted lips, slipping his tongue between my waiting mouth. He was taking us on a whole other level that I wanted (fuck, did I want it) but the needs that were growing in me were not conducive the long night we still had a head of us. I couldn’t resist sliding my hands into his hair just to see if it was as soft as it looked. No, it was fucking softer. I was lost in my sensory overload that Edward was putting me thorough. We only stopped when the waitress standing at our table cleared her throat loud enough for the entire eatery to take notice. 

She placed our pizza on the table and she slowly walked away backwards as if she didn’t want to miss something. Yeah, she was definitely one of them. I could hear her calling my smut line with an interesting fantasy of her being the voyeur of two guy’s very rough sexapades. 

“Sorry,” Edward whispered looking down at our still joined hands. 

“Don’t be, I’m not darlin’,” I rubbed his smooth face again before giving him a quick peck, bringing back that breathtaking smile again. 

We sat and finished our pizza in mostly silence but plenty of touches. Edward even fed me a slice; best fucking tasting pizza ever. We soon finished and walked back to the truck, hand in hand. 

The closeness between us remained as we made our way to the concert. The show was being held at the outside stadium and people were everywhere. Edward had been bumped a few times by some over excited patron; it was pissing me off. I swear they were doing the shit on purpose as I hadn’t been touched once. Feeling rather protective of the man I was dreaming of making mine, I pulled him into my arms standing him in front of me. I couldn’t resist wrapping my hands around his body holding him ever so close. As his back settled into my chest, I knew he was feeling my growing need pressing into his perfect ass (shit, his ass felt good). 

“Sorry,” I said stepping back a bit to keep from molesting him right there in front of hundreds of people. 

Edward didn’t say anything as he stepped back into my body, wrapping my arms back around him and lying his head back on my shoulder. It felt like heaven had come down to earth and invited me in. I turned my head just enough that I could feel his hair on my cheek, closing my eyes in hopes it would will this dream to never end. As the music pulsed around us, Edward swayed to the beat moving my body with his. This boy was seriously seducing the fuck out of me and dammit I was loving every minute of it. 

The concert was coming to an end. The base line of “Feels Like Tonight” dropped and I could feel the hard and fast intake of breath Edward pulled in. 

“Edward, are you okay?” I asked no longer moving to the music. 

He slowly turned around, wrapping his arms around my neck. His eyes shined as he stood there staring into my soul. I didn’t know what I was looking at in those eyes but I never wanted him to turn away from me again. 

“Beautiful,” was all that I could whisper at the perfection that looked back at me. 

Edward presses his lips to mine so softly and yet with an assurance that I didn’t think the always-shy-and-nervous man possessed. As our lips moved against each other, my arms pulled him closer; squeezing him in hopes he would never leave, that yet again another moment would never end. Edward’s hands played in my hair as he pulled on the curls, making me moan more into his mouth. We had begun to sway to the music and for all of the time the song surrounded us you couldn’t pay me to believe we were not the only two people in that park. 

Edward’s kisses slowed again but not once did he move away from me; and I wasn’t going to let him. We stayed there in each other’s arms looking past blue and green eyes and straight into each other’s future. Best fucking concert ever! 

The ride back to Seattle was quiet but far from awkward. Edward slid close to me as I drove all the way back to his place with my free hand wrapped around his body. 

My mind was at ease during the drive, savoring the feel of Edward’s body heat through my thin shirt, but at the same time I was anxious. What started off as a first date seemed to transform into a damn relationship over one pizza and loud rock music. For some reason I expected this to be harder; for my curiosity to be sated but never my heart be filled. But why did it have to be so difficult? Did relationships always have to follow some strict time line of when things were supposed to happen? 

And just as I was about to drive myself into a frenzy trying to decide if I had messed up the best thing that had happened to me, Edward’s sleeping body moved closer to me, grasping my shirt in his hand right over my heart. I could feel the vibration of Edward’s sleep heavy moan on my body and realized that while I may not have known what we were, I was going to see to it that we were always something to each other. 

*~*xXx*~*

“Oh, I am so embarrassed. I can’t believe I slept the whole way back,” Edward blushed as we stood at his door. I couldn’t help but laugh as the red flare spread across his face and ears. Fuck he was so cute when he turned into a tomato. 

“Don’t worry about it. Really it was kind of nice. Did you know you moaned in your sleep?” I teased him only sending him hiding in his hands again. 

I stepped closer to him, pulling him out of his self-made hideout. Edward leaned into my body as I pulled in for the most sensual kiss of my life. Pulling away, it felt as if we were breathing for each other. I could feel the life in me and fuck, it felt like heaven. 

“Say, you will come in?” Edward asked staring at our shoes. 

“I’d love to, darlin’.” 

As soon as we were behind the door Edward was on me like a rider on a bull. I never knew what I was going to get with Edward: the shy red tomato or the hard passionate man that was snaking his hands under my shirt. Yeah, I wasn’t about to stop this. My shirt was over my head before I heard the deadbolt click. 

“Do you want me to stop?” Edward asked as he tried to catch his breath.

“Mmm mmm,” was my best attempt at telling him no as I worked on his shirt and jeans.   
Edward was lean, but he had plenty of muscles and definition to that rock hard chest. My body tingled as he pressed me closer to his frame kissing each other breathless. 

“Jasper, I want to hear you. Talk to me, please?” Edward said begging me with those emerald eyes of his. 

Oh darlin’ you aint got to beg for it. 

“Tell me you want me, Edward. Tell me you want me to make you come all over yourself.”

“Yes, please.” 

I pulled Edward towards his couch laying him underneath me. 

“Yeah, love to hear you beg for it. You know daddy’s going to make you feel good, sugar.” I unsnapped Edward’s jeans as I licked him down his chest to his hard pink nipples. 

“Fuck, feels so good.” 

“Let me touch you. Give, Jazz that big hard dick.” 

I pulled Edward’s pants down his legs as his body arched and squirmed from my touches. So responsive; my body was wanted Edward with every new moan. I took his hard cock in my hands pleased at his size. Fuck, my boy was packing as much as me. My mouth drooled wanting to take him deep into my mouth but I didn’t want to rush him. Baby steps Jasper, baby steps. Besides I couldn’t give Edward what he really wanted if my mouth was full. 

“Shit that dick is beautiful. I can’t wait to you let me swallow you down my throat, taste every inch of you. You like that, Edward? You want me to lick you from that fat head all the way to the nice tight ass?” 

“Yes . . . fuck so close,” Edward continued to squirm on the couch. I wouldn’t let him get too far.   
My dick was begging to be free and while I didn’t want to push Edward, I though The General should meet his new playmate ‘cause if I had my way there were going to be plenty of play dates. 

I continued to palm Edward’s leaking cock as I removed my own jeans with one hand. Finally free of the confines of the denim, I pulled Edward to straddle my lap. Edward was already gorgeous but looking up into his face, eyes hooded as he bit into his bottom lip from the slow torture I inflicted on his swollen dick, he was fuck hot! I positioned Edward just so on my lap where I could hold him still to my body and grip both our dicks in my left hand. 

“Fuck, yeah,” I throw my head back as soon as the flesh of his hard as steal dick touched mine. I had to hold my breath, trying to control my body from betraying me. Can’t have too quick of a release; I had to show my boy I had stamina and skills. 

“Dammit, Jasper, feels so good.” Edward began to twirk his hips in my hands.

Shit! Edward was sexy, smart funny, big dick, and the boy had mad rhythm. Dare I say it: I was I love! 

“That’s it sexy. Let me see that sexy ass fuck face. That’s it,” I moaned as I captured Edward’s lips with mine’s again. “Fuck you feel so good on my skin Edward. I can’t wait ‘til you let me dick that tight little hole of yours. Make you get down on your hands and knees, screaming my name. Say it Edward!” 

“Jasper,” Edward whispered. I know his body was in my hands but his brain was not connected to it. 

“Louder!” I demanded squeezing both our dicks tighter in my hand.

“Jasper . . . shit . . . that’s it daddy, more.” Edward was moaning uncontrollably and dammit to hell if I wasn’t about to blow before he was. The sound of Edward calling me daddy was stirring up some new fantasies. 

“My name sounds so good on your tongue,” I kissed Edward hard. “That tells me that my dick will feel good on your tongue, too. I can feel it now: my dick fucking your throat, you swallowing everythang I got. Can you do that for me, love?” 

“Yes . . . Oh, hell yes . . . Jasper!” Edward screamed just as I felt his cock twitch in my hand, covering it with his creamy release. At the site of his hot seed running down my hand and onto my own dick I released my load onto our stomachs. We sat there a wet, sticky, half naked and sweaty mess and all I could think about was when could we do it again. 

*~*xXx*~*

I awoke the next morning better rested than I ever thought possible. My body felt heavy, but in a good way and then I remembered that I wasn’t lying alone. After Edward and I got cleaned up we resembled our place on his couch, still shirtless, where we talked for what seemed like forever. There was no awkward moment, just more kisses and touches until eventually we fell asleep; Edward still lying on my chest. 

I was afraid it was all just a dream. Could I have possibly have had the man I had been lusting over for weeks? I ran my hair through Edward’s soft hair, burying my nose there to draw in his scent. Edward moaned as he always seemed to do in his sleep, just before placing a single kiss in the middle of my chest. I smiled at the gesture, still rubbing his scalp with my nails. 

“Morning,” Edward said wrapping his arms even tighter around my chest. I could tell he hadn’t even opened his eyes. 

“Good morning.” 

“I don’t want you to go.” Edward’s hold had loosened some but I could tell by his touch that he meant every word. He was holding onto me as if he was trying to make sure I wasn’t a dream either. 

“I can stay for a while,” I wrapped both my arms around him. He needed to know that I wanted the moment to last too, but Edward sat up in my arms and I immediately followed. “What’s wrong?” 

“Um . . . about last night,” Edward began but wasn’t looking at me. 

Fuck! Did he regret it? Was I miss-reading him? My stomach was twisting, trying to prepare for the rejection that was coming. 

“I don’t want it to be the last time. I mean, I want to see you again . . . and be with you again . . . I want to be with you.” Edward hadn’t looked up from some fascinating spot on the couch and he crossed his arms as if to hide from me. 

I was relieved to say the least. 

“I want to be with you, too, Edward.” 

“Yeah?” 

“Of course, darlin’. Now get your sexy ass back over her to your daddy.” I pulled Edward back into my chest. 

“So that means I get to hear you talk dirty to me whenever I want,” Edward green eyes lit up as if he came to some great revelation. 

“Yep, sugar and it won’t even cost ya $2.99 a minute.” 

“Oh, sexy boyfriend, hot sex, and saving money: what more could I ask for?” Edward began crawling up my body, rubbing our morning wood together. Fuck, this boy was going to be the very happy death of me. 

“I still demand a payment,” I pulled him closer to get a little bit more friction . . . oh yeah right there. 

Edward groaned at the contact before asking, “And how much is that going to cost me?” 

I took his lips with mine, parting his then to taste the flavor that was all Edward, my Edward. 

“I think that’s payment enough,” I said pulling away from the kiss with a smile before claiming him again without a single hesitation on his part.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own Twilight.

Talk Ain’t Cheap

Chapter 2

_6 months later  . . ._

 

I watched as he slowly crawled backwards onto the bed. His eye seemed to glow as he looked at me full of lust. I could have come just from the way his eyes danced over my exposed body. I slowly stroked my cock as Edward spread his legs teasingly at me. His hands ran over his legs slowly make its path down to the very place I wanted to be. I stilled my movement as I watched him slowly push his index finger into the muscle. I tentatively walked towards the bed. I loved to watch Edward’s fuck faces. The pure bliss that lined his eyes and his beautiful mouth as it formed that very “O” that was perfect for putting my dick in. Edward rocked against his finger. The sounds and curses falling from his lips was pushing me closer and closer over the edge and fuck I like it.

  
“Jasper, need you baby,” Edward whispered.

  
I crawled between his parted legs, licking him from his thigh to his belly button, stopping his ministrations I continued to crawl up his body, licking and nipping my way along. Edward was my little kinky hot boy and he loved when I took him slowly, drawing out his need to come. I moved closer to his mouth. Hitching his legs further up my hips, I stilled my cock at his entrance. I could feel the condom growing tighter. Somehow my body wanted to grow bigger and longer just to please my boy. Edward’s breath caught as he felt me so close to my goal.

  
“I need you too, sugar.” I pushed quickly passed the intrusion until I was completed seated in Edward’s body.

  
I felt whole and perfect as his body stretched to accept me.

 

~xXx~TAC~xXx~

 

“Baby, do you really have to leave?” Edward pouted as he watched me get dress.

  
I made the mistake of looking up from stepping into my last boot. Edward looked completely sad from his position in the middle of his bed. He wore nothing but a pair of pajama pants. No socks. No shirt. No boxers. The thought alone was making me needy again. I was close to telling him I was going to stay.

  
“Yeah, babe I gotta go. Sorry suga.” I could have cried having to tell my boy no. I think Edward was about to cry for the both of us.

  
I moved up the bed again to comfort my man. I moved his knees causing them to open for me like they always did. Our bodies were so use to each other that they responded on their own will. I pressed my bare chest to Edward’s, causing him to fall backwards onto the bed. Naturally, his fingers went to the hair at the back of my neck. The boy was going to make me say fuck this job. I closed my eyes, just enjoying the sensual touches the love of my life was giving me.

  
“What are you thinking?” Edward asked.

  
It was his favorite question to ask whenever he caught me with my eyes closed or that too far away look on my face. I had given up long ago on convincing him that I wasn’t thinking anything. Even if I didn’t tell him he, somehow managed to figure it out. My face would confirm his assumption. I think the ability to read people’s mind would sit well with him.

  
“I’m thinking how I can’t stand to hurt you. I’m thinking how I desperately want to call in sick or just quit so that I can stay just like this,” I grind my cock into his body to make my point, “for the rest of the night.” I took a deep breath before I said the part I knew really made up my decision on the matter.

   
“I’m thinking I have to help Carlisle with bills and I can’t afford to be late.”

  
My final words stung like a bitch. I could see the pain and frustration etched across Edward’s face at my words. He began to slide from under me despite my attempt to suitably apply a little more weight to keep him there. It didn’t work.

  
Edward stood at the side of the bed and ran his hands through his hair. I was concerned with his growing frustration but I really couldn’t take my eyes off the muscles that rolled around his chest and arms as he flexed them in his state of irritation.

  
“Jasper, we go through this every night damn near.”

  
“Edward, you know,” I tried to start.

  
“Yeah I know! I know you hate your damn job. And I know you have to feed yourself and help Carlisle. Fuck! I know I can’t be mad because when we met you were working there and that’s how we met. Yes Jasper, I know all of that shit. It doesn’t change a damn thing!”

  
Edward’s angry verbal vomit proved we had this argument too many times in our short six month relationship. I did hate my job just as much as I did all those months ago and now that I had the only reason I put up with the job in my arms more nights than not, there was really no reason for me to keep it; except the money, of course. I had applied for jobs but between the no call back and the monstrous pay cut I would take, it looked less and less like I would escape the clutches of Durty Talk before my graduation.

  
I didn’t try to talk to Edward when he was like this. Edward could argue with the best of them and his logic, though usually emotional in nature, were usually true and well thought out. As I pulled my shirt on I walked back to my steaming boyfriend; wrapping my arms around his waist from behind. Running my hands down the plains of his stomach, long soft kisses to the back of his neck and down his shoulders, I tried to calm the rage boiling over in Edward. I rocked the man in my arms until all of the tension faded away. But I still had to go.

  
Walking to the door, I clung to Edward’s hand. I really didn’t want to go any more than he wanted me to. Not just because I had a fuck hot boyfriend begging me to stay, but I truly did despise my job. It was emotionless, except for the anger and disgust I felt for almost every single one of my calls. Above all else, I felt like I was cheating on Edward with a bunch of faceless women (yuk), every time I brought them to their goal.

  
“You know I hate it when you do that right?” Edward said, as I stood one foot inside his front door and one foot out. I was always teetering between the two.

   
“Do what?” I asked staring at the metal strip that separated Edward’s home from the elements. I knew good and damn well what he meant.

  
“You know what,” he alluded, “You somehow manage to touch me and every bit of anger, sadness, and frustration runs away.” Edward had gotten silent. I looked to his face only to see he was studying the ground as well. “Or how when you touch me I feel like I could never--” Edward stopped. The look in his eyes was shocked.

  
What was he going to say?

  
I waited on him to finish but he never did. I didn’t push.

  
“I’m sorry, babe,” was all that I could offer before placing a single kiss to his lips. Edward never said a word as he closed the door before me. I found myself alone.

 

~xXx~TAC~xXx~

 

“That’s it, cowboy. Ride this bull!” Lauren was practically screaming into the phone.   
Lauren had become one of the worst ones. Her fantasies always teetered on both weird and slight self ridicule. She seemed to have a fetish for wanting to be an animal. So far she has chosen to be a prize winning pig that I have had to catch to give a bath, a cow needing to be milked, and a donkey refusing to pull load. The girl had some serious bestiality issues.

  
“That’s it . . . watch this cowboy lasso and hold this beast.”

  
I didn’t attempt to sound convincing in the least bit. My mind was still reeling from having to leave Edward. It felt like I was missing something in the way we had parted this time. Maybe it was whatever he was going to say but stopped short. Maybe it was because he didn’t walk me to my car like he did every other night. There was something wrong with my boy and that was all that was important to me.

  
“That’s it. You better jump over the railing cause this bull is coming at cha, horns and all.”

  
That was all that I could take.

  
“What the fuck? Lauren, really? I can’t . . . I just can’t.” I ran my hands through my hair trying to calm down but it wasn’t helping. I felt as if I couldn’t breathe right.

  
“What . . . what is it cowboy? Your lasso ain’t working tonight?”

  
“Yes! My lasso is just fine. It just doesn’t desire to be anywhere near--” but before I could finish the thought my alarm on my cell phone went off.

  
There was no other time I looked forward to than midnight. The sound of “Feels Like Tonight” and Edward’s picture flashed on my screen signaling me to leave this hell and return to him. It was probably Lauren’s saving grace.

  
“Oops, gotta go,” I said as I hung up the phone on a very confused caller, shut down my system and ran out of the door of Durty Talk. I only slowed long enough to tell Carlisle, as I jogged past his desk, I would be with Edward.

  
I’m sure I broke a few speed limits as I made my way across town. Jumping Edward’s steps two in a single bound, I knocked on the door. Normally, Edward laid on the couch when he knew I would be coming over. He would jump up and open the door in a flash. This time it seemed to take forever; even the locks seemed to turn slower. Edward’s face and shoulder appeared in the door, blocking my way inside.

  
“Hey, suga.”  
  
“Jasper.”

  
Oh fuck this ain’t good.

  
“Babe, are you goin’ to let me in?” I was sensing anger but there was something different too. “Babe, tell me you aren’t still mad about this evenin’?” I pressed my body to the small opening of the door just to be closer to him. The wooden door was the only thing keeping me from where I wanted to truly be.

  
“You know what, Jasper,” I hated when he said my name like that, “maybe you should stay at home tonight. I’m working on a paper anyway and you know how I get when I am on deadline.”

  
Edward was a horrible liar. It was obvious there was something else besides a paper that was prompting Edward to reject me. I was hurt not only because he was keeping me away but because he was lying to me. . . for no reason. What did he not want to tell me? I could feel his frustration, anger, and something so much more all over him.

  
“But, babe. I really wanted to just hold you tonight. Please? I don’t want today to end this way.”

  
“Tomorrow, okay. I really just want to finish this paper. I’ll meet you at the fountain tomorrow afternoon okay.” Edward had yet to look up and I had yet to understand why.

  
I stood there speechless. Unable to form the thought needed to understand what the hell was happening. Was Edward rejecting me? What did I do?

  
“Right . . . okay,” I said

  
I leaned into the door, hovering just in front of his face hoping he would catch the hint that I wanted a kiss. I needed to kiss him goodnight. Edward never looked up.

  
“Edward,” I whispered finally garnishing his attention. “Please,” was my only whispered word as I fought to hold back the tears. My despair mixed with Edward’s raging emotion was going to start the windfall of tears to come.

  
“Goodnight, love.” Edward quickly pressed his lips to mine before closing the door.  
  
The drive back to my apartment was a blur. I tossed and turned all night thinking on what had happened with Edward. I couldn’t quite shake the feeling that there was something wrong. There was something that he didn’t want me to know. He was a storm of anger but something else hid in his voice as I pleaded my way into his arms.

  
Fear.

  
Had I somehow messed up what I had with Edward? Were we over?

  
Was Durty Talk to blame?

  
The next morning was painful to start. No sleep from the night before and my mind still heavy with what I could do to show Edward that he meant so much more to me than that job. I paid little to no attention to my two morning classes, anxious to make it to the fountain, to plea my case to Edward.

  
Walking across campus was a blur. When my eyes landed on Edward, it was as if I had tunnel vision. Nothing existed besides him. He looked as fuckin’ bad as I did. His normally beautiful green eyes were sunken and darker. They were no were near as bright as they should be. Even as his eyes locked with mine they didn’t glisten the way then did. I didn’t get his crooked smile that he would grace me with every time we were in each other’s presence. Shit had gotten bad.

 

Unable to stand it anymore, I stepped in front of my boy who was half sitting on the edge of the coble stone. I dropped my bag at our feet and wrapped my arms around him our body spoke to each other in the words only they seemed to know and Edward’s arms were around me where they should have been.

  
I pressed my face to his hair wanting to smell the fresh strawberry scent he normally was engulfed with after washing his hair but it was not there. I pressed my lips to his forehead needing to physically touch his skin somehow, someway.

   
Edward said nothing.

  
I needed to say something.

  
Our silence was far too heavy for me and with every passing second I felt like he was being torn away from him. Fuck, I couldn’t stand the thought of losing my boy; not over something as retarded as a job that I hated any damn way. At that moment I made up in my mind that the love I had for Edward trumped everything else. It was time that I told Edward those exact words.

   
I loved him.

 

There was no questioning that and no reason to keep it a secret; even to him.

  
I would have to talk to Carlisle first, but somehow this was going to be my last damn week with DurtyTalk.

  
“I know, suga. It’s okay.” I didn’t know what it was that I knew or what the hell was going to be okay. It just sounded like the words that needed to be said. They reassured whatever it was the Edward needed to hear because he only held me tighter.

  
And I was refusing to let him go.  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please Review!!


	3. Chapter 3

Talk Ain’t Cheap  
Chapter 3

His slick skin rubs across mine. The smell of our sweat and sex surround us. My hands can’t seem to touch enough of his skin at once; my arms can’t seem to hold him tight enough. The sound of my name being whispered in my ear is pushing me harder and further to give this man so much more. More than a boyfriend. More than a warm body to lay with. More than just someone to argue with. More than just somebody to make him come. 

I wanted to give Edward love. I wanted to give him a future. I wanted to give him something more than what a couple dozen of meaningless people get from me every night. 

“Jasper, where did you just go?” Edward asked in his whispering, hoarse voice. 

Our chest was pressed hard to one another. Edward leaned back against the cage my arms created, to stare into my eyes. His breaths pumped out of his chest in short movements causing my own lungs to compress and expand in rhythm of his. 

It was only then I realized that our bodies where still connected in our very own intimate way. In the thought of the very man in my arms I had stopped moving, enjoying just the feel of being able to touch him. My face was pressed to his exposed neck as I drew in his scent. 

“Nowhere, suga,” I said through my embarrassed smile. I was so lost in thinking of giving Edward me that I forgot he was giving me himself at that very moment. 

“Are you sure?” He asked stroking my sweat soaked hair away from my face so tenderly. 

“Positive. I am right where I need to be.” 

I claimed the love of my life’s lips, rocking my hips to impale him further on my body. His loud moan sent tingles down my spine. 

I need my lips to just whisper the words I needed to say to him . . . the words my body screamed. 

. . . Before it was too late. 

~xXx~TAC~xXx~

I paced the floor listening to the bad hold music of Durty Talk. It was an odd mixture of elevator music and something you would hear on a bad porn flick. I guess the sounds of raunchy old guitars and sound boards were appropriate. I was nervous; my heart was beating like it never had before and I didn’t know why. I had to do this. 

“Jasper, darling, what can I do for you this morning,” Maria said. 

Maria was the head manager at Durty Talk. She recruited me and Carlisle herself for the job I now loathed. She heard Carlisle and I talking one day in a store as she stood behind us in line. She spun me by the shoulder, and in more details that I could have really used, she told me the sound of my voice had given her an ear orgasm and she just had to have it for her company. I need of a job, and one that didn’t screw with school, I took her up on her offer. She thought we had a very special connection; something about me being from Texas and her from the French Quarters of Louisiana. I didn’t see the connection but what the fuck ever. 

“Hey Maria,” I started. 

“Oh, I love the way you say my name. No wonder the ladies like you. Am I going to need a shower after this call my favorite dirty cowboy?” 

It was too damn early in the morning for this shit. I rubbed my eyes as I tried to stifle my groan out of respect for the lady and my boss. 

“Are you sure you no like women? Maybe I can change your mind,” she said in a very deep accent that I was sure she was cultivating to avoid losing it. 

That was the other thing about Maria that pissed me off. She just knew she could “fuck me straight.” 

“Look Maria, I need to tell you something. I won’t be there tonight.” Soon as the words fell from my lips I knew she wasn’t going to take it for what I meant. 

Why the fuck was I scared to say I quit? Why was I being so damn vague? 

“Oh, does my thoroughbred need the night off? No, problem you deserve it.”

“No, I mean to say,” but she interrupted me. 

“Do you know since I found you and that delicious gentleman friend of yours, Carlisle, Durty Talk has been booming! Oh, the thought of it makes me want to just ravish you both.” 

“Maria, listen to me. I really need to tell you that I can’t do this,” I tried to say but yet again I was cut off. 

“Yes, yes, yes, darling, you said you needed the night off. Go have fun, enjoy yourself . . . go actually get laid. You know if you stop by my place I can take care of that for you.” 

“Maria!” 

“Okay. Okay. Go my delectable man. I will see you here tomorrow night! Have fun!” 

And the line was dead. 

Fuck! 

~xXx~TAC~xXx~

I showed up on Edward’s door step ready to surprise him with a night out. It had been far too long since we had been out together after 6 p.m. and I need to remind my boy how much I loved to have him on my arm. 

Edward opened the door wearing nothing but his black glasses, pajama pants, and Spider-Man T-shirt. His hair was sticking straight up; a sign he was tolling over another paper, I was sure. Fuck, my little geek was hot. 

“Jasper? What are you doing here, love?” Edward said as he pulled me into the best hug. The excitement on his face to see me was totally worth it; an instant reminder why I had to let Durty Talk go. 

“I’m here to take you out, sexy. So go get dress, whatever your doin’ can wait one night.” I turned him around on his heels and swatted him on his very firm ass for motivation, which started his giggles. 

“Wait. You don’t have to . . . work?” With one question I could hear sadness creep into his voice. 

“No, I am all yours.” I wrapped him back in my arms and pressed my lips to his. I needed to melt every bit of sadness away from by boy. 

Edward’s hands went around my neck holding me between Earth and the Heavens. He was so warm. His smell and touch was making things real hard. I pressed him closer to my body. I wanted him to feel what he did to me with every kiss, every touch, and every mention of him. Edward moaned against our kiss. Best fucking sound ever. 

“Go get dressed, suga,” I spoke just above a whisper as I tried to catch my breath. “If you don’t stop we will never leave.” 

“I can live with that,” Edward said as he granted me one last teasing kiss before sprinting down the hall to get ready. 

Fuck! The things that boy did to me!

I couldn’t stop staring at the smile Edward wore as he stole glances from over his shoulder. I held his hand tighter at the beautiful look he gave me. He made me want to smile and yet I felt nervous under his bright eyes. 

“What?” 

“I can’t believe you are actually taking me out. We hadn’t been out in so long.”

Edward’s words were painful, but true. We hadn’t gone out much with my night schedule with Durty Talk. I wanted to change that. My stomach flipped at the memory of chickening out of quitting. 

“I’m sorry.” The pain of neglecting Edward was heavy in my voice. 

“I know, love,” Edward said squeezing my hand reassuringly.

As Edward slid across the cab of my truck, he wrapped his arms around me tightly. I couldn’t help but think back to the first night he held me so tight as we drove back from the concert at Olympia. That was over 6 months ago. Then I thought I had something great in the man who clung to me . . . Now, I know I do. I wasn’t going to let anything keep me from feeling this sensation every day. 

There was always something to do around Seattle. I pulled up to the amphitheater not surprised to see it was already growing crowded. Every Wednesday night at sunset they offered a Park Event; live bands or a movie. There were concessions around to buy food, drinks, and alcohol. They even had vendors selling unique jewelry and shirts. It was always fun and for the most part it was always free; a characteristic I was going to be looking for a lot once I manned up and quit Durty Talk. 

Edward and I were early. They were showing The Green Lantern and I knew my comic book loving boy was going to love this shit. While we waited for the sun to fully set we walked around looking at the different vendors that were there and eating greasy fries. Just as we turned to find a spot on the grass, we ran into Carlisle and Esme. 

“Hey man!” Carlisle shouted. 

“Hi, Edward,” Esme said as she enclosed him in her arms. I loved that Edward and Esme got a long like sister and brother. Carlisle made it very publicly known that Esme was it for him and I was beginning to accept Edward was it for me. There was always going to be the four of us. 

“What are you doing here?” 

“It was the oddest thing. Maria called me and said I could have the night off. Something about how much I deserved it. She demanded I go get laid for real,” Carlisle said as he laughed. 

Edward looked bright eyed at Esme who hung here head in utter shame of her “gentleman” boyfriend.

We all sat in the grass together. Edward was warped in a blanket as he rested in my arms. I didn’t want to let him go. We watched the entire movie, laughing and playing with our friends. The stolen moments, kisses, and touches were the best part of the night. But regrettably, our time together came to an end far too soon. Edward and I were only coaxed out of our bubble by the urging of Carlisle and Esme to go and find some real food. 

I was taken off guard when my perfect night came crashing down right before me. 

“Jasper! Gorgeous, I missed you tonight,” I heard the voice say just before foreign arms were wrapped around my neck, pulling my hand out of Edward’s. 

“What da fuck?” I said pushing the body away from me. 

“Oh Jazz, don’t act like that. You know you missed me.” 

I managed to move out of the way before I was back in the arms of someone other than Edward. 

“Jasper, who is this?” Edward asked putting himself between me and the man. 

“Nobody baby, let’s go.” I tried to pull Edward away, but I could see that answer was insufficient for him. Then my pest of a problem, also named Mike, had to open his mouth. 

“Now, Jasper how could you say such a thing. Just last night you were my very naughty boy.” Mike slid back into my arms, steady moving Edward out of the way. 

“He’s a fucking client,” I could hear Edward whisper as he stormed away, snatching out of my grasp. I couldn’t untangle Mike’s hands out of my hair fast enough.

“Edward, please.” 

I watched as Edward turned to look at me only to see Mike still hanging on. Esme ran behind Edward, but it really should have been me. 

“Forget him, lover. You know Mikey can take care of you.” 

“No the fuck Mikey can’t! Stay the hell away from me.”

“But Jazz-” 

“Stay the fuck away, Mike,” I shouted as I ran after my quickly fleeing heart. 

Edward stood by the truck and the ache in my heart told me he was cryin’ before I could even see his face. The drive back to his place was tensed. The space between us seemed wider than just what was in the cab. My body screamed to feel him close to me like before . . . Before Mike was a physical representation of what I did for a livin’ and the very thing that was coming between me and the man I love.

We sat quietly outside of Edward’s house, the cab growin’ cold from both the dead engine and Edward’s silence. He didn’t look my way and I was too afraid to look his direction. I couldn’t bear to see the pain I knew would be there. Edward finally jumped out of the truck, never speakin’ a word. I didn’t try to stop him and I didn’t expect for him to let me stay. My heart tore away from my body when I saw Edward disappear behind his door. 

~xXx~TAC~xXx~

The tears still hadn’t stopped as I stumbled into my own door, pissed at how my life was turning out. I knew that if there was ever a time for me to leave Durty Talk, then it was now. Mike made that a painful fact, but I didn’t know if tonight had caused permanent damage between Edward and me. The thought of never spendin’ another night in his arms was causing me physical pain. I let the tears take over. I collapsed on the couch allowin’ the stabbing sensation in my chest take over. I deserved every ounce of pain I was feelin’, knowing Edward was alone, crying the same lonely tears that I was. No . . . Edward tears were probably worst. He was shedding tears of a broken heart, and broken promises. I drowned in my tears, my sobs uncomfortably lulling me to sleep. 

I awoke the next morning to the blazing sun pouring into the windows. Desperately trying to shade my eyes from the painful light, I remember why I was lying fully dressed across my couch with a crook in my neck. The night came roarin’ back to me and the tears soon followed. 

“Hey, man. How are you holding up?” 

I didn’t even hear Carlisle come into the house the night before. Or was he there when I got there? Nothing mattered to me other than Edward. I quickly tried to dry the tears that stained my face. 

“It’s alright man. How is Edward? Did you two talk?”

“No,” I tried to say but the sound never came out of my mouth. Clearing my throat I tried again. 

I told Carlisle about the painful silent drive back to Edward’s house. I told him about how I let the man that I loved walk away from me, not knowin’ if I would ever see his smile again. 

“Wait! You love him?” Carlisle interrupted. 

“Fuck man. I have neva loved someone like I love Edward. I can’t lose him Carlisle, especially ova this fuckin’ job and Mike’s dumb ass.” 

“Wow, Jasper I am so happy for you,” Carlisle said. He quickly corrected his assessment when he saw my face. “Look, I know shit looks bleak right now, but I promise you if you tell Edward all of this he will forgive you.” 

“You think?” 

“If the way you look at Edward is love than it is safe to say that Edward loves you, too.” I sat up at Carlisle’s words.

Could I be so lucky? Did Edward have the same feelin’s for me that I had for him? I spent so much time admirin’ the man, I missed how he may have felt about me. Carlisle didn’t miss the blank stare on my face as I thought back over the feelin’s Edward may have.

“You never thought that Edward loved you, too?” Carlisle sound shocked. 

“No . . . I guess I hadn’t.” 

Carlisle’s hand came down on my shoulder. The contact still not pulling me from my deep contemplation of Edward’s feelin’s. 

“Carlisle, I gotta quit.” I didn’t need to give my friend anymore of an explanation. 

“Yeah, man. I think it’s time. Don’t worry about the bills man. I can handle it. Oh yeah, here,” Carlisle said as he handed me an envelope branding the school’s logo, before he walked away. 

I suddenly had a motivation to get movin’. I tossed the letter Carlisle just handed me on the couch as I made a B-line for the bathroom. 

I had to get to Edward; nothin’ was more important. 

~xXx~TAC~xXx~

I paced in front of the fountain, anxiously waiting on Edward to show. 

It had been the longest morning. I tried to call Edward before class but only got his voice mail. I sent him my usual good morning text as I settled into my seat knowing he should have been doin’ the same. Edward would always respond to my mornin’ messages but this morning I got nothin’. When my two morning classes were finally over, I ran to the fountain knowin’ I would see him there, but I was wrong. 

I trudged to my next class repeatedly tryin’ to call Edward, but I was getting nowhere. I made it to the Mess Hall jumpin’ in front of several students to hurry and get to our table. I didn’t really want to eat. As I rounded the mass of students, I was deflated to see our spot was empty. Edward usually beat me to our afternoon meeting since the Science Building was on the same quadrant as the Mess Hall. I sat down at the table, nervously bouncing. My eyes scanned the room lookin’ for his unique copper hair in the crowd. Just as I was preparing to leave, but never givin’ up hope, my phone vibrated off the table and into my hands. 

“Meet me tonight-5:00-The Gazebo”  
-E-

I knew it came from his phone but this wasn’t a message from MY Edward. My Edward always called me “love.” My Edward always styled his initial or referred to himself as “yours” whenever he texted me. No, this wasn’t my Edward that summoned me to meet. I walked out of the Mess Hall with my head hung both ‘cause I didn’t know what would come of our meeting and to hide the tears that was threatening to fall. 

~xXx~TAC~xXx~

Why did he pick the gazebo? 

We spent so much time on the floor of the little white structure. We studied and had picnics here. We kissed until we were breathless. We watched stars and whispered in each other’s ear passionate things . . . and dirty ones. At times we were just here. No talkin’ or playin’. Just in each other’s presence lost in our own thoughts until Edward could take it no more and begged to know what was on my mind; and I told him. Every time I told him. Of everything I should have said I should have said “I love you and I never want to leave you.” Those words were more important than school and stress; work and money. If there ever was a safe place to utter the words our gazebo was it ‘cause here Edward listened. He listened to me all the time, but under the white arches of the aged wood Edward showed me his heart, and without sayin’ it, promised to protect mine. 

How could I have never seen how much he loved me? 

I approached the sacred place, seeing Edward facing away from me, towards the forest not far off into the distance. I slowly took the two steps. I didn’t have to say anything. Though I didn’t make a sound; I knew that he knew I was there. His shoulders slumped and his held fell between his shoulders only momentarily. His visible moment of despair was over as he lifted his head and slowly turned towards me. 

“How did he know you?” Was Edward’s first question; he didn’t waste any time. 

I took a deep breath knowin’ the innocence of my answer wasn’t going to solve anything. I knew it was the truth but that mattered not. The fact that I was havin’ to give this explanation at all was what caused the scar. 

“Mike has been a client for about the last three months. Carlisle and I were out eatin’ one day. This guy kept looking my direction, but I just ignored him. Carlisle made some statement about work just as the guy was walking towards me. When he heard Carlisle, he just lunged into my arms.” I paused to take a deep breath. The sound of this shit was vile just coming out of my mouth to my own ears. 

“I knew it was you as soon as I heard the good ol’ cowboy accent,” Mike said climbing in to my lap.

“Who the fuck are you?” I jumped up, almost knockin’ him to the floor.

The almost accident didn’t faze him. Mike took the extra seat at the table pulling his chair closer.

“It’s me, Mike! Well, you may remember me as the Stallion Trainer,” Mike said running his finger up and down my chest. The fucked up situation hit me then.

“Yeah dude, that’s just a fucking job. So please keep your hands to yourself. I have a boyfriend.”

As if I gave a secret signal, Carlisle stood from the table and we proceeded to leave.

“Talk to you soon, lover,” Mike shouted as we walked out of the door.

“Ever since then, I seem to see him every fuckin’ where.” The weight of the explanation was heavy on me and Edward. I looked up from the floor of my once cherished gazebo to find Edward had moved towards the bench. 

“Edward, I promised I told him about you,” I said as I tried to take him in my arms. 

Edward moved just out of my reach with a look of pain on his face that crushed my heart and lungs. He didn’t try to not cry. The wet streaks that made his eyes shine for the wrong reason and the redness that tinted behind them was squeezing my heart even tighter. 

“YOU FUCKING TALKED TO HIM ABOUT ME!” 

“No! I mean . . . I told him to leave me alone. . . I told him I had a boyfriend . . . I told him never to fuckin’ touch me.”

Edward was so furious he kept pacing the floor. All I wanted to do was hold him still and look him in the eyes and say --- 

“Jasper, maybe we need a break,” were the words that ended the silence that fell between us. 

“What? Edward, what! No! No we fuckin’ don’t.” I jumped up from the bench opposite Edward. It was as close to him as he would allow me to be.

“We don’t need a damn break, Edward. We just need to talk. You just need to know how much I care for you and I need you , and . . .” The words were right there, but with all my might they wouldn’t fall from my lips. 

The thing that could have saved us was refusing to be said . . . and I didn’t know why. 

“And what Jasper? And we can go back to pretending everything is fine. I can go back to acting like I don’t know what the hell you do with each and every one of them every night. Is that what it is Jasper?” Edward was screaming so loud. 

“No, I know: I go back to me lying in bed night after night after you have fucked me, knowing you are off doing the same thing with someone else.”

“That’s not fuckin’ fair! I don’t touch them. Hell, I don’t even see them. It’s just the phone, Edward. It’s just a job. Please don’t do this.” 

I was screamin’ as loud as Edward. I knew this wasn’t what we needed. I tried to calm down and try again. 

“Edward, please. Let’s just,” I tried again. 

“No Jasper, not this time.” Edward sniffled, roughly drying his eyes from the tears that had fallen. “We just need a break . . . yeah . . . a break would be good.” 

Was he trying to convince me or himself? 

Without another word Edward turned to walk away. Before his foot could touch the waiting cobblestone path I said— 

“Edward, I love you.” 

My words stopped Edward in his tracks. He slowly turned around to face me. I wasn’t met with shock or awe. His eyes seemed to be fiery. I had never seen him look so . . . pissed. I took a step back, tryin’ to plant my feet for the back lash that he was preparing to throw my way.   
But it never came. As quickly as the look was there it was gone. 

“Wow,” he half laughed and gaffed. “So there is such a thing as too little too late.”   
He left. 

No other words. No look back. My Edward was gone . . . and he took the biggest piece of me with him.

I stood frozen in the gazebo past sunset. My knees and legs had given out to the exhaustion I felt, the pain in my chest. Time moved around me; it wasn’t until I could no longer see my hands before my face that I realized that not only was it late but I had missed work. 

Finally pulled out of my stupor I began to walk back to my car parked on campus. The feeling slowly returning to my legs, I felt my cell phone vibrating in my pocket. Fishing out the minor annoyance I realized how late it was. It was already 10:30 and Maria had called me five times; Carlisle called twice. Carlisle knew I was meeting Edward; it explained his one and only text. 

Sorry man, I’ll talk to you when I get in.  
-C

I was still moving sluggish as I walked into the apartment. Carlisle still wasn’t there and I was thankful. After plopping down on the couch I register that I should call Maria, tell her what happened but then I was angry again. 

It was that fuckin’ place that made me lose the love of my life. I didn’t owe them shit. I had lost Edward and it only drove me more to quit, but I couldn’t bring myself to pick up the phone to call. The only call I wanted to make was to Edward. 

I stared lost into dark house trying to figure out what I was supposed to do next. A rough sleep claimed me before the answer did. 

I awoke in the next morning; head, body, and heart still hurting. I wanted desperately to disappear into thin air but I knew I didn’t have that luxury. I couldn’t hide. I begrudgingly dressed for the day I wanted to avoid. Fully dressed and desperately trying to avoid stepping foot on campus, I sat back down on the couch to catch up on my long neglected mail. 

I shuffled through the various credit card applications, sales papers and magazines. The final piece was the envelop from the school. My eyes ran over the thick paper, waking me from the slow stupor I had been in all morning. 

I sat up on the couch, reading and rereading the words. I closed my eyes sending up a silent and quick pray that my mind was still too lost in heartbreak to understand the words I was reading. I read the letter for the final time; accepting the truth of what it said.

“FUCK!” 

How could shit get any fuckin’ worst?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE REVIEW


	4. Chapter 4

Talk Ain’t Cheap  
Chapter 4

I sat in the financial aid office, knee bouncing uncontrollably. Linda, the receptionist, kept looking up at me and smilin’ but I didn’t see shit to be happy about. This is the last thing I need right now. I didn’t sleep a damn wink, thinkin’ of Edward. Everything we had was gone, and it was my own fault. I didn’t remember starin’ at the walls, but I know I damn sure didn’t sleep.   
I thought I had the answer to getting’ Edward back, but as I sat in that office I didn’t know if it was a possibility any more. 

The best part of being on a full scholarship, besides the free schooling, was having to never step foot in the financial aid office. This place was fuckin’ depressing. Everybody in there had a problem. They were beggin’ for more time to pay off their tuition or beggin’ for more money to survive while they tried to get a damn education. I don’t think I ever saw someone walk in this place with a smile, and they usually walked out looking worst. They should change the name to the Bad News Office. I only came in here to complete the registration process and I never came back. But as I sat in the uncomfortable chair waiting on my name to be called, I knew I was going to get the same bad news that everyone else was getting. 

I looked across from me to see another knee bouncing. The operator was clenching a white piece of paper in his hand to the point it was sure to be crumpled beyond repair. My eyes traveled up to meet a blood shot pair, and his opposite hand being gnawed on nervously. I panned the other people sitting there; they all wore the same pissed or confused face as the self-cannibal and me. A few of them were also clenching a folded sheet of paper. Apparently, I wasn’t the only one to get the bad news. I wasn’t the only one who came to tear the Financial Aid Counselor a new one.   
As I sat there preparing the argument in my head, I was distracted by the sobbing girl who stumbled passed me. She was moving quick but it didn’t take much to notice her red eyes, shaggy hair, as if it didn’t make it to its daily wash, or her wrinkled clothes. She was another one of us. 

“Mr. Whitlock? Mr. Colson will see you now,” Linda said still smiling. 

It was just fuckin’ wrong for her to be perky when apparently a good portion of the damn student body was either sittin’ in the office getting their heart ripped out of their chest, or watching their dreams of a degree being squashed with a white piece of paper. 

I stepped into the office that seemed to be bigger than the waiting area I just left. The walls were covered in plaques, degrees, and certificates. Sitting at the large wood “L” shaped desk was the man who was going to make or break the rest of my damn day. I was teetering between optimism and reality. The letter was clear, but I guess I needed to hear it for real before I accepted the truth: I was screwed. Inside I was growing pissed as I looked at the larger than necessary smile of the man on the other side of the desk. What the hell was with these people? There wasn’t shit to smile about . . . unless you have a wall of degrees to show you no longer had to deal with bullshit like financial aid. 

“Jasper, have a seat,” Mr. Colson stated. “Let me guess, you received one of those dreadful letters.” 

I couldn’t find my voice. I simply nodded my head, my eyes still darting around his office. I may have looked the picture of cool but the strap of my messenger bag was catchin’ hell as I clung to it in an attempt to keep my anger at bay. 

“Well, it is exactly as the letter states.” Mr. Colson let out a big breath before he continued on to the explanation. He finally looked like he was actually concerned. 

“I’m not going to sugar coat this, Jasper. The school is over extended when it comes to in-house scholarships; which I am sure you know, are scholarships offered by the schools to qualified individuals. In an attempt to balance the books,” Mr. Colson did those dumb ass air quotation marks, “we are suspending all in house scholarships until further notice.” 

“So what da hell does this mean for my tuition? I only have a year ‘til I fuckin’ graduate?” So much for holding back my frustration. I could see Mr. Colson wince at every word. I should take pity on the poor man since he obliviously was the one assigned to deal with the pissed off students that would likely be in his office all week. 

“Jasper, I understand the frustration, but please calm down. Your tuition is paid for this current semester. However, if you plan to attend summer school and continue in the fall you will be required to make payment arrangements. We are offering special arrangements for the students affected by this process.” 

“This is some bull-,” I started to say as I sat back further in the chair. 

“Mr. Whitlock!” Mr. Colson shouted. “Please, the language. Now, we understand this was nothing of your own doing and the school is going to do everything in its power to correct this.” 

“Oh yeah? How about startin’ with giving me back my fuckin’ scholarship!” I jumped out of the chair ready to storm out of the door. He wasn’t going to be of any help to me. 

“Mr. Whitlock . . .” he paused to control his own temper before continuing, “there is a chance that before the fall semester begin the funding can be back in place. Just bear with us, okay?” 

I wanted to rant more. I wanted to knock every one of his damn degrees from the wall, but what was the use? No shouting was going to bring back my scholarship and all my frustrations weren’t all aimed at the school. I was having a fucked up week all around. 

Nodding my head to Mr. Colson, I turned and walked out of his office. I stood there on the other side of the door collecting my wits. As I began to walk down the dim hallway leading to the waiting room I decided I wasn’t going to be like all the other sad souls who had been, and would soon be, crushed by the truth of the day: the school had no money and it was up to us to fix it. 

I straighten my shoulders and my bag and stepped into the waiting room; making the walk to the door. I could feel every eye on me as I walked through the room that was even more crowded than it was when I left. They were surely looking for some hope in my face that maybe they stood a chance. 

“Sorry, guys. It’s a no go for me, too,” I thought to myself.

But I wouldn’t let them see me distraught and I couldn’t let them see the tears that desperately wanted to fall. If the tears began they were never going to stop and they weren’t all going to be because of school. 

*~*TAC*~*

The week passed by and shit was getting’ worst with each passing of the damn seconds. After leaving the Bad News Office I went back to my lonely fold out bed. I skipped classed for the day. There was no fucking point if I was going to have to drop out of school any damn way. At some point, Carlisle came in and tried to talk to me but it didn’t work this time. I wasn’t tryin’ to hear him and he must have caught the hint. I only wallowed in my shit for one day. Before the sun was up the next morning I was up dressed and determined to do somethin’ to get Edward back. Having my scholarship taken was fucked up, but that anger failed in comparison to having my heart ripped out of my chest. 

Over the days I slowly but successfully made it to each of my classes, and just like he was still mine, I found my way to the water fountain every day. 

He was never there. 

At first I was a little sad he wasn’t there. I needed to see him, to try and talk to him. I needed to tell him that I was going to quit the smut talk hotline but now I had no choice but to stay if I wanted to stay in school. I knew Edward would understand if he just gave me the chance to tell him the truth . . . what I should have told him all those days ago. As the days went by, I got pissed that Edward didn’t show. Was he fucking purposely avoiding me? And just as quickly as my anger rose, it was gone. I had no reason to be pissed at him. I deserved this empty feeling. It hurt like a bitch but it was my fault and it was a pain I had to live with . . . even if it meant living with it forever, ‘cause there was never going to be another. Nobody could take my Edwards place. 

But apparently someone could take mine . . . 

I was pretty sure it was Friday. It had been one week since Edward left me crushed in our once cherished gazebo. During that week I continued the routine Edward and I shared for the six months we were together, but without him being a part of it the days and hours all just seemed to blur together. I went to the fountain; numbly sitting there, trying not to build up my hope that Edward would come, but curbing my anger if he didn’t show. I was a fucking wreck. 

My lazy eyes looked up from the book I was not really reading only to find a tall copper mass. My heart awoke for the first time in a week. I could not see all of him over the crowd that had begun to surround me. As the group of students moved about I took deep breaths. This was the opportunity I was prayin’ for and I was determined to just drag him away, even if he was kicking and screaming. I would just spit it out in a mass of jumbled words in hope something I would say he would catch him enough to make him listen. Then, after he has stopped fighting me I could tell him, show him how much the last week had been hell, and if this was life without him I never wanted it. 

The students began to thin and my breaths became quick and rush, never filling my lungs enough. But as he came into full view I wish, like the last six days, I had never seen him. Edward . . . my Edward . . . was lying in the arms of someone else. He was smiling. Not only was he smiling but he looked genuinely happy . . . the way he looked when he looked at me. Rather it was the scene before me or my inability to breathe earlier, but the light headedness quickly mixed with nausea. My brain was screaming to leave but my feet wouldn’t move. I don’t remember how I finally pulled my feet away or got to my apartment. I just found myself back in the only thing that comforted me; my couch. 

I didn’t stay in my haven long. I couldn’t miss work again but if I was ever not in the mood to deal with the kinky people of Durty Talk that night was it. I was exhausted from the onslaught of emotions. 

Angry, and yet sad that Edward had already moved on. 

Happy that I hadn’t fucked up his life, but pissed that he couldn’t give me another chance. 

Sick from all my wallowing, but wishing I could go back to the only place, and to the only thing, that seemed to care about me. 

I accepted my fate: I had lost Edward and I would forever be with Durty Talk. This was my life; this was my hell. I was ready to live in it ‘cause there was nothing left for me to do. . . 

But then he called. 

My head was down on the desk. I didn’t bother to look up onto the screen, ‘cause I could have cared less who it was or what fantasy button they needed pushed. My voice was mumbled into my arms as I gave my usual, though even more so less inviting, Durty Talk greeting. 

“Jas, how is my cowboy doing tonight?” 

At the sound of his voice I could feel the anger boiling behind my eyes. I could feel the fire in my veins ignite as if it was gasoline and the sound of his voice was the tossed match. 

“Mike!” I sneered as my eyes focused on the screen confirming what I already knew. 

“Hey, lover!” 

“You have some damn nerves,” I started. 

“Oh come on Jas-y pooh. I heard about what happened to you and that bland piece of man. What was his name? Eric was it?” 

“It was Edward and you keep his name out of your mouth!” My voice was rising, gaining me a few looks from the men around me. 

“Well, Edward was a damn fool. I would have never let you go, Jas-y pooh. I am always here for you.” 

“NO THE FUCK YOU AREN’T!” I screamed into the phone; jumping up from my seat, knocking the chair onto the floor. The crash of the hard plastic on the thin carpeted floor was successful in gaining the attention of the last few people in the surrounding cubicles. 

“I don’t want you, Mike. I never have and never fuckin’ will. There is no way in hell you would ever be able to replace Edward, or what we had. You are just a piece of trash that helped destroy the best fuckin’ thing I had in my damn life!” 

I could hear and see nothing. I was blinded by the rage that was pouring out of me through my words. Before my eyes there was only an image of Edward; his sad face the night he saw Mike jump into my arms as if I had betrayed him; the look of lost as he jumped out of my truck for the last time, storming to his door, never turning around to see me off. 

My breath was short pumps, pouring out over my lips as I heaved the hot air out of my body. Everything around me was swimming. Slowly my surroundings came back to me but the anger was still there, oozing out of my pours, covering my body. It flared once more when my eyes focused enough to see I was still in that hell hole. I could see my loud outburst had pulled Maria from her office. She was quickly stomping my direction. I could see the disappointment and anger on her face as well, but I could have given a fuck less. Just as she was getting closer Mike began to speak again. 

“Jasper, I. . . I,” he tried to speak. 

“Fuck you,” I screamed looking directly into Maria’s eyes. My words or the look on my face froze her in her tracks. She didn’t know if I was still going off on the caller or talking to her. It was both. 

“I quit.” Without another word from Mike, or a single word from Maria, I ripped off the headset, throwing it onto the desk. I kicked the chair that was now blocking my path, and walked away for the last time. As I passed Carlisle’s seat I could only give him an apologetic look, but he smiled back as if he was proud. I walked away from Durty Talk, never looking back. 

That night I found myself back in the gazebo. I no longer tried to hold back the tears I had been guarding for over a week. I wailed uncontrollably into my hands and into the dark night thinking of all that I lost: my job, which was going to lead to the loss of school, and most importantly I lost Edward. No one came to the rescue of my cries. I fell into the floor, curled into a ball letting the pain and grief wash over me. 

Somehow it was calming as I let the blackness take me away. 

*~*TAC*~*

“I’ll take these if your done ma’am,” I said to the girl sitting; staring intently at her laptop. 

“Sure, thank you.” 

“Can I refill your coffee?” I asked as I balanced her empty saucer in my hand a long with the other discarded plates I had collected. 

“No, I’m fine.” 

I smiled and nodded my head, leaving the woman to her work. 

Collecting plates, refilling coffee, and checking out customers: It wasn’t much, but it also wasn’t Durty Talk and for that I was happy. 

I had been working at the Cyber Café for almost a month. It was a coincidence that I stumbled in when I did. After the night at the gazebo I knew I didn’t have time to waste finding a job or getting myself together. Shit was hard, without question, but I wasn’t going to sacrifice all the work I had put into school. I had one year to complete and I needed to work as if I had to provide every penny to fund it. I wasn’t going to wait on the school to get their shit together. I was going to have to do this on my own. I didn’t want to rely on Carlisle either to take care of the apartment. I was determined to keep my end of the expense up. 

I couldn’t deal with the possibility of running into Edward. Seeing him was going to be hard enough, and seeing him with someone else, being happy, would have killed me. I saw him with that guy one other time, in the cafeteria. He wore that same smiled that I use to get from him whenever he would see me. He leaned into the man’s body, laughing as the guy whispered something apparently funny into Edward’s ear. I could only stand and watch. I realized then no place on campus was safe for me anymore. Determined to find a place with fast internet and strong black coffee I ended up at the Cyber Café, where a red and white “NOW HIRING” sign welcomed me into its doors. A few days later I was adorned with a black and green apron, sporting a steaming cup of coffee designed out of “1” and “0.” 

I was feeling a little better about things. I was working, being useful, and I was back on track with my studies. I still didn’t have Edward and I cried over him every lonely night in my bed, but I was making progress. Or so I thought. 

I had been working at the café for a week and my manager, Anna, had just handed out pay checks. It was a long hard week of coffee burns, broken plates, and crazy caffeine hour rushes as the early birds poured in for their Mocha-double-lattes-with-iced-whip-cream–minus-the-foam. I was exhausted after working in the middle of the day; my body still not adjusting to the hard labor and daytime active hours. There were split shifts and mad dashes to classes. There were mornings I awoke to find I had slept on my text books, or never completed a thought on my paper. And it had only been a week. Yet, despite it all I tore into my first paycheck with pride . . .that quickly sank. 

My check was only a third or what I would have brought home with Durty Talk. I drove to the bank to deposit my pennies, screaming in my own head about how stupid I was to leave Durty Talk. I hated it, but it provided the money I needed to live. So what if I loathe going to that building that looked as if they were also shooting porn in the back room? Being an adult meant dealing with some shit you just didn’t like. .. Right? 

Just then I watched as a couple walked through the crosswalk holding hands, laughing, touching, happy. That’s why I left, because though it provided me with better finances, talk just wasn’t cheap. I couldn’t help but think of the most important thing that place had cost me. 

Lost in my thoughts I didn’t see the light turn from red to green. The blurring horn behind me woke me from my contemplations. I cautiously made my way through the intersection to continue on to the bank so I could hurry back to work. As soon as I walked in I asked Anna if she could put me on the schedule for any blank spot that she could. I needed all the overtime I could get if I was going to make this work. 

*~*TAC*~*

I was in heaven . . . that had to be it . . . 

The white surrounded me. The place was bright but it seemed to be a natural light. I couldn’t judge the space, it was open and vast. There was nothing but peace. I felt whole; another piece of me was there with me as I walked in no direction, seeming to go nowhere.

“You are here,” a voice came from beside me in a whisper.

The sound didn’t startle me but made me smile. I turned to the side knowing I would see Edward’s face, but there was no one there. Still I wasn’t worried.

“Here is all that matters. You are here,” the voice continued to say. His voice was still deep and slightly raspy, but seemed clearer than I had ever heard it before. The sound seemed to come from the other side, but again I turned my head to find nothing.

“Why does only here matter?” I asked still walking; still unconcerned with the vagueness of the area and the voice.

“You are here,” I heard from one side. “I am here,” I heard from the other.

The urge came over me to stand still. A greater calmness than what I already knew washed over me. I closed my eyes to bask in its warm, soothing feel as it covered me from head to toe; inside and out.

“We are here,” I heard from behind me but I was too filled with the sobering ease that came over me to turn.

My arms began to tingle as softness slid from my fingers and along my arms. The sensation returned around my waist and settling on top of my stomach. I could feel a hard surface pressed to my back and I knew it was his body holding me. He pressed his lips to the back of my neck and for the first time I could feel a burning heat cover me. It mixed with the cool calming peace; neither stronger than the other; both existing in me, on me, around me. 

“We are here . . . together, Jasper. We will always be here together.”

The words sounded like poetry to my ears. Edward and I always together . . . it was heaven. I turned in his arms to take him in mine. His eyes were bright green, emeralds, as if he had been crying, but there was no sadness there. His copper hair was richer, making his skin seem pale and delicate, yet beautiful and priceless. My hand couldn’t resist reaching up to stroke his cheek. I could feel the fire in my fingers as it warmed his face, bringing about the slightest blush. He closed his eyes, absorbing my touch. 

“I’ve missed you so much,” I said lowly, unable to find my voice. 

Edward opened his eyes pulling me closer into his arms before saying, “I haven’t gone far and we were never really apart.” He placed his hand over my heart, looking back into my eyes.   
The fire in me grew hotter slowly overcoming the calm and peace. The intensity of the feeling didn’t worry me. I knew then that it was the passion I felt for Edward and it would only get stronger, deeper, and hotter. It would never die and never leave. It would only be sooth by Edward, and he only provided the temporary calm to keep it just under control before the levels boiled over and I had to have him.

“Edward, that night at the gazebo,” I began.

“I know, Jasper. You don’t have to say it.”

“Yes! Yes, I do have to say it. I should have said it before that night; before everything went so horribly wrong.” I took the deepest breath my overly stimulated body could draw in but it seemed to fan the flames. “I love you, Edward. I have loved you for so long, but . . . I let fear keep me from telling you until it was too late. I am so sorry. I love you.”

“What were you afraid of, Jasper?” Edward’s face hadn’t changed and suddenly, in the place that exuberated calm, I began to feel nerves.

“I don’t know,” I said unable to meet his eyes, trying to retract from his arms. Edward wouldn’t let me move.

“You do know, Jasper. Say it.” Edward’s voice didn’t raise, his eyes didn’t shift. It already knew what it was, but I needed to say it aloud.

“I was afraid you didn’t love me back . . . that you deserved better than me.”

“Better?”

“Yes . . . better. Why would you love me, Edward?” I still couldn’t move from his arms. I avoided his eyes, full of shame. “I am just some guy who talks to kinky people on the phone. You are . . . smart, and funny, and . . . beautiful.” I could feel tears beginning to burn below my eyes, threatening to overflow.

“I’m so . . . ordinary. I don’t belong in your world.” It was crushing to admit defeat.

“Jasper,” Edward flashed his breathtaking smile, “you are my world.”

The short few words, saying them aloud, exhausted me. I could have slumped into Edward’s arms at his admission that very second but I kept my knees and legs strong. I wanted to hold him up. Edward’s smile grew slowly before his lips began to inch closer to mine. I could feel his warm breath wash over my face.

“I love you too, Jasper.” 

What remained of the calm was fully burned away by the passion just below my skin. Edward was ever closer to me than humanly possible as I claimed his lips, running my hands through is hair. We fell into the vastness; the white light surrounding us, joining us. I could no longer see all of Edward, only parts. I could only feel.

His fingers scratching into my back as I felt the burn of the skin opening.

I could see his face as his head fell back in ecstasy; his eyes tight and mouth open; his broad shoulders as my hands clung to them.

Our legs twined together in a mass that seemed impossible.

I could hear every sound he made and feel every touch. I released all of the fire that burned so deep and hot in me that I feared I would burn him.

“Jasper,” his voice called out to me. “Jasper . . . . Jasper . . . Jasper.”

“Edward, please, more . . . I need more.”

“Jasper . . . Jasper . . . Wake up.”

“No. Edward, don’t make me go. I need stay with you.” I could feel the urgency too deep in my loins to stop. I was so close.

“You will always stay with me. Jasper, wake up . . . NOW!”

My head flung from its place too fast. Dizzy circles over took my eyes as I covered them in hopes to gather my bearings. It was then I saw the shelves of books and wood tables around me. 

I was still in the library. I looked down at the book I had utilized as a pillow; the first chapter staring back up at me. I had done no work. 

How long had I been there? 

Who woke me? 

“Jasper, are you okay?” The voice asked before I felt his hand touch mine. 

Shocked at the sound of the voice I thought I left behind, I turned to see Edward’s face.

“Edward . . . you didn’t leave me,” I said aloud. The look in his eyes reminded me that I was no longer in my calm vastness and he had left me. I looked down, avoiding the uncomfortable look that he wore. He quickly removed his hand from mind. 

“Ummm,” Edward stopped to clear his throat, “I brought you some coffee. I . . .umm. . . just noticed the time . . . you’re going to be late for work.” 

“Huh? Work?” I looked down at my clock to see it was just passed nine. Then it hit me; Edward was expecting me to run off to Durty Talk. He didn’t know. How could he have known? I hadn’t spoken to him in weeks. 

“Oh, yeah, thank you,” I said as I collected my belongings and tossed them in my bag, “but I don’t work there anymore. Bye suga . . . I mean, Edward!” 

I made the mistake of looking up into his face as I quickly dashed away from him. 

Edward always said I was good at seeing his emotions. In that quick glance I could see his anger and confusion. I didn’t want to think about which of my words, of my slip, caused which of the two emotions. 

Was Edward shocked I no longer worked at Durty Talk? 

Was he pissed that I called him suga? I was pretty sure his new . . . boyfriend . . . wouldn’t appreciate that. 

I made it to the truck, successfully not looking back. Before the locks could settle in place, the tears started. Since the night I left Durty Talk, breaking down crying in our damaged love gazebo, I had no longer been able to hold my tears back. I could control them ‘til I made it to a safe place, but no longer could I keep them from falling permanently. 

I let the warm salty water run over my face, giving each a name and a purpose. This tear was sadness for waking up to the life I still didn’t want. That tear was for the anger that I still couldn’t face Edward. This tear was depression for having to leave the dream that gave me what it was that I really wanted.

That tear was the unequivocal love I still had for Edward. 

The tears never stopped, but slowed enough for me to drive home. I prayed that when sleep claimed me I would return back to the place where we were together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please Review


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All belongs to Stephanie Meyer, author of The Twilight Saga

Talk Ain’t Cheap  
Chapter 5

I could smell his scent. It was so strong and making me feel so complete. I pulled him closer, trying to crawl under his skin. I wanted to be everywhere he was, everything he was, and everything he needed. 

“Jasper,” he whispered, “please don’t stop.” 

“Can’t stop.” I could feel his nail scratch into my back.

“Please don’t go,” he said. 

“I’ll never leave you again, Edward.” Our lips pressed together. 

“I need you, Jasper. I don’t want to breathe without you.” I could hear the emotions in his voice; the tears he was trying not to shed. 

“I will never let you go, Edward. I love you.” 

I could see the words so clearly behind Edward’s eyes. Slowly our body came together. I was there in his skin with him and I had never felt better in my life. There was something more, than just the desire to be there with him; it had successfully transformed into a need.

I needed Edward and there was no denying it any longer.

Our love healed the ache in my heart as his whispered declarations of love and devotion fell on my ears, sounding sweet as honey. 

Panting and heavy breathing filled the room. I was high on his passion on his desire to have more of me and my need to have all of him. 

“I love you, too, Jasper”

I awoke in a peaceful bliss but still cold from the lonely bed; the empty pillow beside me. I reached over and rubbed the vacant spot as if it hadn’t been forever since I felt the reminisce of Edward’s body heat. I knew it was a dream. They had always been a dream. I was thankful this one didn’t wake me in a cold sweat or sticky mess, but it didn’t hurt any less. All of the sensations of a real moment with Edward were there. The continued reminder of what I knew: 

I lost him forever. 

~oOo~

It had been a long day. I plopped down on my hide-away bed, lazily and half-heartedly removing the green and black uniform. My feet were killing me after working so many hours. Spring Break was both a blessing and a curse. I got to put in a lot more hours at the café, something to occupy my time and help my bank account. Yet after each long day my body was like putty. I didn’t realize bussing tables and carrying blueberry muffins and coffee was such hard ass work. But while my days were full, my nights were too empty. 

Carlisle was long gone at the start of the break, to go visit his own family, plus a detour to spend time with Esme in her hometown. I had the apartment to myself and it was eerie quiet. There was no homework to fill my empty nights. And though my body was weak from work, my mind still wouldn’t let me rest. 

Edward filled every thought. 

I loved it . . . I hated it. I figured my inability to move past Edward proved my love for him was real. Though I was hurtin’, I hurt more wondering if he was okay? Did he meet his deadlines? Was he sleeping? My eyes burned with fresh tears too often from thinking of him. If he wanted to let go then I had to find a way to move on ‘cause as much as my heart burned for him, he would never be a release I would know again. 

I managed to get myself into the shower, allowing the hot water to wash it all away. I hoped the sting of the scalding water would penetrate my body and numb my heart, but I had no such luck. I leaned against the cold tile as the hot water beat away at the side of my body. I let Alice’s words from earlier run through my mind. 

~oOo~

“Jasper, I just won’t stand for it!” 

“Alice, it is no big deal,” I said, side stepping the miniature girl who stood before me with her hands on her hips. 

“It is so a big deal! It is Spring Break for Christ sakes, and you haven’t done anything with it.” 

When I signed on at the Cyber Café I didn’t know my bonus included adopting a new friend who probably drunk more of the caffeinated mixture than she really should have. Alice was a little fire cracker who moved and talked as quickly as I had ever heard. She was the only person there who knew about me and Edward . . . or what was me and Edward. 

“Jasper, dear, you are just too damn much of a sexy cowboy to be by yourself! I mean I understand you love him but we have to get back on that horse! You are making all the boys, and girls, cry with this remaining single thing you have going on here,” she said one evening as we closed. 

“Girls?” 

“Hey just cause you denied the female population the desire to know you doesn’t mean we can’t fantasize.” Just then Alice got a far off look in her eyes that took me shaking her violently to bring her back. “Sorry, I was just thinking about what you would be like in bed.” 

“I just don’t want to be cramped into some over crowded house, or garage, or club, or whatever. I don’t know, Alice, I’m just going to stay in my empty house all weekend.” 

“Empty?” Alice quickly perked up and my stomached dropped.

I looked up on her face knowing exactly what those wide eyes meant.

“Oh no! You are not having a party at my place!” I quickly tried to move out of the way hoping it would end the conversation. 

“Why not? You won’t go to the party so I will bring the party to you. A brilliant plan.” 

I tried to see the humor in Alice’s words but they just weren’t there. I couldn’t deal with the possibility that she was serious. I slowly turned around, finding the small woman following close behind me. My face must have conveyed my serious ‘cause Alice took a step back and threw her hand up in defense. 

“Alright! Alright! No party.” Alice walked back towards me and placed her hand on my arm.   
The look in her eye was pure compassion as she said, “I just worry about you Jasper. I know you think the way everything happened was all your fault but you don’t deserve this much pain. You have to stop torturing yourself.” 

Alice walked away, leaving me standing in the middle of the café’s kitchen, alone. 

~oOo~

I couldn’t bring myself to say that Alice may be right. Was I wasting away, letting life go by while I pinned over a lost love? Even if Alice was right, I couldn’t give up on Edward. 

Not yet. 

I drug my weary body and mind to my bed and prepared to call it a night. Despite my exhaustion I didn’t expect to sleep well. Just as I prepared to crawl into the cool inviting sheets there was a knock on the door. I glanced at the large digital display above the television and discovered that it was almost one o’clock in the morning. No one should have been knocking on my door so late. I realized that it could be no one but Alice. I begrudgingly walked to the door, sliding my bare feet across the cold tile. I reached for the door, not bothering to ask who it was, slid away the lock, ready to beg Alice to leave. I loved the women but I was not in the mood to entertain. 

But it wasn’t Alice. 

In moments of sure exhaust or desperation the mind plays horrible tricks on you. I looked at the man standing in my doorway and was certain I was losing my mind. There was no way that he was here. 

“Edward?” I rubbed my eyes as if I was expecting him to be a beautiful mirage, but when I pulled my hands away he was still standing there. 

“Hi, Jasper.” 

His voice was heavy. I used the moment of stunned silence to stare at him. 

I could tell by the darkness of his eyes that he was tired. He looked pale as if he was lacking every nutrient the body needed. His hair was messier and his clothes hung off him as if he threw them on in a hurry. He didn’t look like himself. Edward didn’t look like he had been happy for a long time. And thought it seemed slightly egotistical for a moment I allowed myself to believe that it was because I was no longer with him. I hoped that maybe he missed me as much as I missed him. 

“Can I come in?” Edward asked. 

His words shocked me out of my stupor but I couldn’t find my voice. I nodded my head and moved to the side to allow him to pass. I closed the door behind him but found myself frozen again. I was self-conscious, nervous even. I folded my arms across my naked chest, already feeling too exposed in front of the man I had been pinning over for weeks. I couldn’t help but wonder if I looked tired to him; if he could read my despair I had worn uncomfortably for so long? 

Edward looked around the apartment, staring at nothing for too long before turning to face me. We both stood, only feet apart, defensive. It was the closes I had been to Edward in so long and it was burning me from the inside out not to touch him; to have him so close and still so far away. 

“I am sorry for coming so late,” Edward said, finally breaking the heavy silence. 

“That’s okay.” I was surprised my voice was as strong as I wanted it to be. 

“I was going to call first but I didn’t know if your rates had changed.” 

As soon as the words fell from his lips Edward looked surprised at his choice of words. He dropped his arms from his chest, and covered his mouth with his hands as if the act would drive the words back in. 

His words were floating in the air around me, repeatedly stabbing me in my heart. I stumbled backwards at the attack, leaning against the front door for support, dropping my head in shame. It seems I was never to be free of the stain that Durty Talk left behind. 

“I don’t work there anymore.” “Oh god, Jasper, I am so sorry.” Edward and I spoke at the same time. 

“I know . . . you told me the last time I saw you . . . that night in the library. I shouldn’t have said that, Jasper. I’m so sorry.” 

I couldn’t bring my eyes to look at him. I just stood there bleeding invisibly on the floor. I could see Edward running his hands through his hair. He seemed lost like he didn’t know what else to do. The silenceseem to last forever again. 

“I heard about your scholarship.” 

“Yeah, it’s whatever,” I replied back being defensively. 

“What are you going to do?” Edward asked. 

“You know . . . work as best I can, figure it out along the way. They said he could be reinstated before the semester begins again.” 

I chanced a look at him but he was too busy staring at his shoes to see me. He seemed so sad, so lost. Maybe he did feel exactly as I had been feeling all this time. Maybe that’s why he was avoiding me; he didn’t want me to know he was hurting to. 

I couldn’t take it anymore. I had to get the words off my chest that I had been holding for so many weeks. I had to stop letting fear pause me when it mattered the damn most. Fear had already cost me too much time. 

“I’m sorry, Edward. I never meant to hurt you. I’ve missed you so much.” “Jasper, we need to talk.” We spoke simultaneously. 

“Oh, my god,” Edward said. 

I could see the unease in his body as if he was fighting himself. I took a step towards him but stopped. I didn’t know where my boundary line was but I knew it was way back, far away from him. The small space between my front door and the hide away bed by which he stood felt like a mile apart. Edward turned in small circles where he stood until something in him broke. 

Edward pulled off his jacket and laid it across the chair opposite the bed. I watched as he stepped out of his shoes, placing them off to the side. He pulled back the blankets farther on the bed before crawling into the middle, folding his legs underneath him.

I had never in my life wanted to be in my bed as much as I did in that moment. I watched as Edward toyed with the seam of the sheet, looking away from me. I could feel the heat all over my body, my hands becoming sweaty. The pull my body experienced anytime I was near Edward only got stronger; trying to force my legs to move closer to him, to join him. But while my body desperately tried to get closer to him my heart screamed that I had no right. 

“That night, at the movie in the park, I thought my worst nightmares had come true. Before that night I . . . thought you were cheating on me.” 

“What!? Edward, no, never!” I screamed. 

“And the guy that was hanging all over you, Mike,” Edward said his name as if it tasted of poison on his tongue, “he was the one you had been seeing.” 

“Edward, I swear I never cheated on you. Why . . . Why would you think that?” I was moving slowly towards the bed but I still didn’t deserve to be there. 

“You never said,” Edward started. “We had been together for so long and not once did you say,” Edward let his words trail off. 

I watched painfully from across the room as Edward struggled with his words. But when Edward looked up at me, eyes and face red, tears streaming down, I could take it no more. I pushed off the door, closing the space between my cowardly post and the bed, crawling on my knees to take Edward in my arms. He pulled at the bare skin of my arms as he buried his face in my chest. 

“Then you said the very words I needed to hear at the gazebo and I knew you were saying them just because you didn’t want me to go. You didn’t mean them.” 

Edward’s words rushed out his body with heavy breaths and sniffles as he attempted to regain control of his emotions. He pulled himself out of my arms. He was angry again. I could see it on his face as he forced away his tears with the sleeve of his shirt. 

“Edward, I am so sorry,” I said as I attempted to take him in my arms again. Edward tried to push me away but I refused to let him go this time. “I do love you. I don’t know why I didn’t tell you before. I tried so many times.” 

“You should have fucking tried harder!” Edward screamed, pushing me away slightly. “I did everything I could to make you see how I felt. I needed you, but all the hell you cared about was that damn job.” Edward hid his face again in his hands. 

“No. . . It wasn’t the job. The night we went to the movie in the park I tried to quit.” My words got Edward’s attention as he looked back at me. “I did Edward, I swear, but it didn’t come out right and Maria thought I was just asking for the night off. And I was going to tell you then. After the movie I was going to tell you how much I love you and adored you and couldn’t live without you.” 

I was losing control again, the flood gates had finally been opened and I couldn’t stop it. That night was going to be a now or never. If Edward didn’t believe me then he would never believe me and I was going to die trying desperately to walk away from him forever, all because that was what he wanted.

“But then all the bullshit with Mike happened,” I continued as Edward turned his full attention on me. “Then the gazebo and . . . and . . . everything fell apart. I lost you and I didn’t know how to breathe. It’s like you took my soul with you when you left me alone that night.” 

Edward had crawled back into my arms. I could feel him shaking as his hair tickled my chest. I buried my face in the copper mass, hoping his smell, his heat, his touch would calm me. I squeezed him as if he would disappear. When Edward looked at my face, I lost whatever reserve was restraining me. I slowly moved closer to him, pressing our lips together. His skin was so soft and his taste so sweet. I could breathe again when I realized Edward wasn’t stopping me. He pulled me closer, tangling his hands into my hair. My body began to shake at the wonder and warmth and solid feel of the man I longed to have back against my body. 

I pulled Edward’s legs around my waist as I laid him on his back as gently as I could, never release our kiss. I felt like the old me for just a moment as we slowly tasted each other. I could feel the tears gliding down Edward’s face. I brushed each stain away, only moving away from his soft lips to look into his eyes. Their emerald green was so bright and though it may have been my own desire to have Edward back playing tricks on my mind and eyes, I desperately wanted to believe I was breathing life back into him just as he was doing for me. 

I moved to Edward’s side, pulling him closer to me. Our legs were wrapped around each other. My left hand held his right hand as it lay between or two bodies. My other hand rubbed the flesh along his hip from where I moved his shirt up. Edward lay with his eyes closed, looking angelic. He was a gift. I started at his calm, face for over an hour, rememorizing his contours and movements. I didn’t want to break the trance we were in. 

But nothing was different yet. 

“Edward,” I whispered; wanting him to talk to me but silently praying he was sleep in my arms and that was where he was going to stay. 

“Yes, Jazz,” Edward said, never opening his eyes. 

I smiled at the name. Maybe we would be okay. 

I didn’t want to ask the question. I didn’t want Edward to think I was questioning him, but I needed to know. 

“Why didn’t you ever say . . . Why didn’t you tell me that,” I couldn’t get the words out. 

No matter how I framed it in my head I sounded as if I was questioning Edward’s love for me. And if he never said the words I knew them to be true. And suddenly I didn’t care why he never said the words to me or why he didn’t say them first. I saw it in his eyes and if that was where it stayed than it would be good enough for me. But I had started the question and I knew Edward would answer it anyway. 

“Because I was afraid I was going to scare you away,” Edward said, opening his eyes to look into my face. “I didn’t want to lose you.” Edward brushed the locks of hair away from my face.   
“One night, after I cooked us dinner; I made my mother’s lasagna for you for the first time. I was teasing you about how you had to do the dishes since I cooked. I had ended up helping you with the dishes anyway.” 

We both laughed as I remembered the exact night.

“We were throwing soap at each other and the way you looked at me as you were getting all the soap out of my hair, Jasper, I just knew you were going to say it then. I was ready; I wanted you to say it so bad.” 

I could see the tears return to Edward’s eyes. His voice began to crack as he tried to hold it together. I had long let my tears fall, no longer able to hold them back. Edward wiped his face and continued. 

“But you didn’t say anything. You wiped away the counter, you took me by the hand and we sat around and watched TV for the rest of the night. I just waited, knowing it was coming at some point: maybe when we made love that night, or the next morning when you cooked me breakfast. I just kept waiting, and waiting and waiting. It never happened and before I knew it I had waited far too long. I had given up on the idea of it ever happening.” 

“I am so sorry I kept you waiting, Edward.” 

The stupidity of my actions seemed to hit me all at once. My feelings for Edward had always been right there and his feelings for me where in the shadow of my own. As I laid there holding the love of my life in my arms I couldn’t figure out what it was that I was waiting for, why I kept him waiting for so long. 

“I love you so much, Edward. I will never keep you waiting again. I promise.” 

Edward never said a word as he looked back at me for what felt like eternity. His stare seemed to be piercing me. Doubt began to seep into my thoughts. Maybe I made him wait too long and now he couldn’t give me a second chance. 

“I have to go, Jasper,” he finally said quickly moving out of my arms. 

“What? No, Edward, please don’t go. It’s so late. Stay here with me tonight, please” I begged. 

“I have to. I am leaving in few hours to go see my parents,” Edward said as he stepped into his shoes and pulled on his jacket. 

In less than one minute he was standing at my door ready to leave. I still hadn’t gotten out of the bed. 

“I’ll talk to you in a few days, okay?” 

I finally made it to the door, nodding my head as I couldn’t find my voice again in the fog that I had fucked up big time and I would never get a second chance. 

Edward gave me a half attempt at a smile before opening and walking out of the door. 

“Edward,” I called out, catching him by the hand just before he was out of my reach. 

I pulled him into my body placing my lips directly over his. I need to feel him one last time before he walked away in case it really was my last chance. Edward brushed away my final tear and with it he was gone. 

I stood in the empty hallway of my apartment wondering if I had made the last few hours of my life up. Was I in another dream? Was I hallucinating? 

Walking back into my apartment I closed the door, letting my hand linger on the wood, sending up prayers that he would return to me. I crawled back into bed, crushing my pillow to my body. An aroma so sweet and mouthwatering filled my senses. I smothered my face into the pillow realizing that it was saturated in the sweet strawberry scent of Edward’s hair. 

The reminiscent of Edward’s scent and the remaining feel of his skin on my hands and lips drug me under as my body finally gave away to my exhaustion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and Reviews fill me with joy!!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The characters belong to Stephanie Meyer. Only the plot is mine.  
> Thank you for taking the time to read and review.

Chapter 6

A dreamless night. 

For the first time in so many weeks I slept without tossing and turning, yet there was no dream.   
No images of Edward and me together in passion. No nightmare of him fading away from me. No serene white room of peace and comfort that only we shared. 

Nothing. 

I rolled onto my back, my mind going into panic mode as to what it could mean. Was I over Edward? Did it mean that my body and mind was finally satisfied with the idea that we were no more? As my mind reeled with what it could be, why I feeling this way, something else floated to the surface. 

The night before came rushing back to me. Edward had been in my arms, even if just for a little while. He was there in my bed, holding on to me for dear life. He was so close and I was able to tell him how much I loved him and needed him and couldn’t go on without him. I crushed the pillow he had used to my nose taking in a deep breath. It still smelled of the essence of Edward. And right then the fear and the doubt began to roll away in replace of something lighter . . . 

Hope. 

~TAC~  
　  
It was a long weekend between the night I cherished and Edward’s return to school. I couldn’t help but think on every moment we shared in those few hours he was there in my arms. My mind was stuck on why Edward had run from me so suddenly. I repeated our words to each other over and over looking for my slip. 

My brain didn’t want to think anymore that Edward was gone for good and instead accepted the night as proof that there were enough of us still in him somewhere that he could see reason; that he could give me a second chance. I had come up with a plan and I just had to hold off a few more days to put it into motion. 

It was Monday, the day that everything was going to change because no matter what I had to do I was going to have Edward again. The weeks without him had been hard. It broke my heart all over again every day I woke up and realized that it wasn’t a nightmare but I really was without him. But then he gave me hope the night he knocked on my door. It was that hope that drove me forward. 

The plan was to remind Edward what we were and what we could be again. I needed him to see that though we met in the most unlikeliest way and, somehow that also managed to be the break in us, that we were still more than our past. We could have greatness before us that could replace all of that. 

I drove to the school early Monday morning knowing Edward would be there. He liked the quiet hour in the library before the rest of the student body began clamoring around. Just as I hoped, I found him sitting at the picnic table along the south wall of the library. I parked my truck far enough away to still see him and hoped he wouldn’t see me. I couldn’t help but watch him for a little while as he sipped his coffee. I could almost smell the French Vanilla of his favorite cup of joe. He looked rested. I hoped the time away with his family had done him some good. He was too beautiful to look stressed and worn, and I hoped that I could help with that. 

I took a final deep breath before picking up the phone. The line rang and rang and I was nervous he wouldn’t answer the private number. I didn’t want him to know right away that it was me. 

“Hello?” 

“Hi,” I said. The fear in my voice worked to my advantage, making me sound shy. 

“Yes? Who is this?” Edward said. I could tell he was trying to make out the voice he was hearing. 

“Umm, this is my first time doing something like this.” 

“I’m sorry?” Edward said, confusion heavy in his voice. His back straighten up from his slumped position over the table. “Who are you looking for? I think you have the wrong number.” 

“No, I’m pretty sure you’re the man I want,” I said, meaning every word. 

“Jasper?” Edward caught on. 

“I don’t do this kind of thing, normally. I don’t . . .um . . . I don’t know what I am supposed to be doing,” I reminded him of his very words to me the first time. 

“Jasper, what are you doing?” 

Edward ran his hands through his hair. I didn’t want this to frustrate him, that wasn’t my intentions. I was going to have to move this along in hopes he would get the hint. 

“Just go with it . . . please?” I beg, breaking character for a second. 

I could see it in Edward’s face, even from so far away that he knew what this was. I silently waited on the phone from a word from him or a sign that he would play this game with me and hopefully find our way back to us. I saw his smile turn at the corner of his lips and I was finally able to breathe again. 

“That’s okay. Just tell me what you want to do right now,” he said. 

“Can we just talk? I mean . . . like regular talk?” I reminded him of his words. 

“Sure, it’s your money, darlin’, spend it however you want,” Edward’s voice was laced with attitude and detest. He was not so suitably reminding me of the painful slip I made the first time he dared to let me talk dirty to him on the phone. 

“Um . . . so the new Avengers movie is coming out in a few weeks. Are you going to see it?” 

“What?” he questioned. 

“I can’t wait to see it. Robert Downey, Jr. is so hot to me when he goes all Iron Man,” I said knowing Edward had a thing for the much older actor. 

His laugh into the phone and the beautiful look in his eyes as he shook his head at my antics were the highlight of my morning. 

“Yeah, Iron Man is my favorite.”

We talked about the characters and what we expected to see, what we hoped the director kept true to the original comic and even the atrocity that Edward Norton wouldn’t continue the tradition of the Hulk. It was better than any dirty talk and I didn’t want the call to end. But just as with my time with Edward when he built up the courage to call me the first time, twenty minutes was all that we had. 

“Thanks, Edward. Um . . . can I call you again sometime?” I made my voice as nervous as I could. The fear of how this plan would work helped. 

“Yeah, of course. When the operator comes back on the line jus’ tell ‘em you want to add me as your preference,” Edward joked. There would of course be no operator, but it made my heart skip a beat that he remembered our first conversation as well as I did. 

“You will always be my preference, Edward. Thank you . . . um, have a good day. I’ll talk to you soon. Bye.” I hurried and hung up the phone before he could say anything else. 

I sat back and watched the beautiful boy stare at his cell phone still in his hands. He was completely still and I wondered if he thought I was going to call him right back and honestly I was tempted to but that would mess up the plan. I had to play this out as it happened between the two of us. I would accelerate the time a bit as I couldn’t imagine dealing with the slow burn of waiting on Edward for so many more weeks. 

Edward finally put his phone down and looked up. He stared off into the parking lot and it felt as if he was looking directly at me. I could only hope not. When the smile I knew and love spread across his face I knew I stood a chance at what I was working towards. 

The sky could have fallen that day and I wouldn’t have cared. I was on cloud nine thinking on the conversation I shared with Edward. I was fully alert in class and even Alice noticed the pep in my step when I got to work. I didn’t tell her about my new plan to win Edward because as much as I knew my little pixie loved me I couldn’t deal with any discouraging words. I had to keep hope that my plan fed the possibility of us returning to each other and I didn’t want anyone to mess with that. 

I was anxious to get home, shower, and get comfortable in my bed. It was time for call number two. It was slightly off from how the original calls went but I needed Edward and hearing his voice made the twinge of hope I carried grow more and more. 

I called his number private again. Though I knew Edward would know it was me this time it added to the game I wanted to play. 

The phone rang and my heart stopped beating with each end of the tone. I was going over in my head what I wanted to say. What off the cuff conversation we would have this time to remind him that we were still us and we could always be that. But as I was lost in the thought of bringing up the recent news story I realized the phone had been ringing for far too long. When Edward’s voicemail came on my heart broke and the panic attack quickly set in and the hope was quickly snuffed out. 

I hurried and hung up the phone, not wanting any trace of a voice mail on his phone, especially one of me taking deep breaths to keep the tears from falling. 

I had been too hopeful apparently. Maybe I read too much into Edward’s response this morning. Maybe he was with someone else and he only pacified me to keep from hurting my feelings. My head was spinning and my eyes burned. I couldn’t let the tears fall again. 

You ass, calm down! Maybe he is busy with a paper or just couldn’t get to the phone. Hell he can’t call you back ‘cause you called private. Besides that is not the way this game goes. Just pick up the damn phone and try again. Stop always feelings so damn sorry for yourself and expecting the fucking worst. If you keep this shit up you will get the worst; lose Edward forever. Now pull your panties out of your ass and try again.

My mean as hell, but totally necessary, psyche pulled me out of my slump. I had to stop thinking everything was falling apart before I gave it a chance. Maybe I needed a damn therapist. I took several deep breaths and tried calling again. 

My mind was a lot quieter as I waited for him to answer the phone and this time I wasn’t disappointed. 

“Smuts-R-Us, the premier dirtiest talk line you have ever known. How can I make you come tonight?” Edward’s voice was corny and unnecessarily deep. Didn’t he know his voice was velvety enough to make me come on its own? 

I breathe a sigh of relief at the sound of his voice and snickered at his ridiculously bad name. My heart had started to beat again though the rhythm was off because of my nerves. 

“H-hi, Edward.” 

“Well if it isn’t my filthy little cowboy. Tell me stud, are you riding me tonight or is it the other way around?” 

Now my nerves where real. I knew Edward could be quite the adventurous man but in all our time together he was never the one to really talk dirty, that was my job. Yet the thought that he may be willing to made other parts of my body come alive. 

“I just want to talk actually,” I lied. I did want to talk but I was not totally against a little action. It had been far too long since I heard Edward moaning in my ear. 

“Fine, it’s your dime,” Edward said, but it didn’t hurt as bad as it had that morning.

After a twenty minute conversation about the unfortunate loss of Steve Jobs, I reluctantly ended the call with my dirty little Edward. The full level of hope returned to me when I heard the groan in his voice at our goodbyes. 

“I don’t want to stop talking you either, Edward,” I said to the phone after the call was end. 

It was going to be harder than I thought to keep this going for a week.

Every day I called him twice, once in the morning and once at night. The morning calls were my favorite because I could sneak and look at his face from across the parking lot. I think he knew that I was there. At the end of each too brief of a call he would look up towards the parking lot and I swear he was looking straight into my soul. 

Every call wasn’t as perfect as they had been when I was the one on the receiving end. There was the night that Carlisle came busting into the living room ranting about we had no toilet paper. There was also the night Edward’s mom called about ten times during the span of our twenty minute phone game. Those little extras didn’t bother me. We would laugh and go right back into character. It was nice to laugh with him over the silly things, just like we use to do. 

But every interruption wasn’t all smiles. 

I sat in the parking lot watching Edward as I prepared to make our morning call. Today was the big day, the day I asked Edward out on our “first date.” There were no concerts I could take him to but pizza, a movie, and a walk in the park would do the trick. If I played my card right, and if things were as great as they seemed to be going between us, we could end this night much like we had our real first date: panting on Edward’s couch. 

I dialed his number and listened as the phone rang. I saw the smile grow on his face as he picked up the phone to answer. 

“Hello you.” 

“Hi, Edward.” 

We had just started in on our conversations when I saw him walk to Edward and put his hands over his eyes. 

“Guess who?” I heard the man’s voice ask Edward. 

The blood in my vain boiled at the sight of this man touching Edward, leaning down to his ears. I sat up in the car, gripping the steering wheel to avoid jumping out to kick his ass. 

“Hey, what’s up?” Edward asked the figure that was now sitting beside him, entirely too close. 

I couldn’t say anything as I watched and listened to the love of my life converse with some guy. The intruder’s shoulders were broad and he looked muscular even from my distance. His hair was short, curly and dark. He was too familiar with Edward. I realized that this was the guy I saw Edward with before; the one who was able to make him smile when all I could do was watch. 

“Emmett, I told you that was not a good idea,” Edward said laughing at whatever he had been told. “You should have taken me instead.” 

The air rushed out of my lungs. Did Edward just insist this guy . . . this Emmett, should have taken him out? Out like on a date? 

I was on fire and the flames were intense. Who the fuck did he think he was? 

Edward was mine. 

“Hello?” I said trying to bring Edward back to our conversation. 

“Oh sorry, Jasper. Let me call you back later,” Edward responded, hanging up the phone before I could respond. 

I sat looking back and forth between my phone and the two people talking in front of my face so many yards away. I watched as Emmett brushed hair out of Edward’s face, and grab Edward’s hand. He gradually moved closer to Edward as he sat straddling the picnic bench. I couldn’t help but wonder how funny could this guy really be as Edward through his head back in laughter at whatever antics Emmett shared. Every passing moment only angered me more and there was nothing I could do about it. 

My brain was in panic mode again thinking that Edward was lost to me. Did we not change some over the last few days? Were we not getting back to ourselves? Maybe that was all in my head. Maybe I had been so lost in the dream of Edward and me that I over looked that Edward had other options. The tears that rolled down my face didn’t quench the fiery anger that was bottled up in me. 

I looked up in time to see Emmett take Edward by the hand and lead him away from the picnic table. 

They looked like a happy couple. 

The rest of the day seemed to be one disappointment after the next. Class drug on forever. Someone dinged my truck door in the parking lot of one of my classes. I was late for work and I broke two plates in the kitchen. I didn’t think the day was going to get any worst until he walked in. 

I had just finished sweeping up the mess of coffee grounds I had spilt on the floor. I was bent down picking up the mess behind the counter when I heard his voice. 

“Yeah, man I’m going to ask him tonight,” he said to whomever he was with. 

“Good. Maybe then you can stop fucking talking about him all the time.” 

I didn’t want to see him. Being this closed to him meant I had the opportunity to confront him, to kick his ass and tell him Edward was mine and he better not touch him ever the hell again. But that wouldn’t have been good for me. Edward would only be pissed at me and there would be no saving us then. I couldn’t stand between him and Emmett if that was what made him happy. That’s all I wanted, for Edward to be happy, even if that meant it wasn’t with me. 

“Of course he is going to say yes man, I mean look at me. One look at this face and it’s a done deal” the conceded prick responded. 

“But Edward,” I heard his friend begin to say. 

At the sound of Edward’s name my anger flared again. 

“Calm down, I totally know that he will say yes.” 

They ordered their coffee and quietly waited. I was glad they didn’t speak any more about Edward because I didn’t know how much more restraint I had. My knees started to burn at the position I held, crouched below the counter and I didn’t understand what was taking them so long to get their coffee and fucking leave. My body screamed at me to move but I still couldn’t risk being seen. There was a chance he didn’t know who I was but it wasn’t a chance I was willing to take. My need to hide was more for his own safety than mine. 

No longer able to take the weight I was putting on my knees and ankles I crawled into the kitchen, cracking the door only enough get through. 

“What the hell are you doing?” The owner of a pairs of pink and purple tennis shoes asked me. I looked up to see Alice looking down at me. 

“Help me up, please?” I asked. Every joint in my body popped at the extending of my limbs. 

“Are you okay, Jasper?” 

I wanted to lie and say that I was fine but let’s get real: I was crawling around on the floor at work. I was moody and clumsy. I wasn’t alright. 

“Come here,” I said moving Alice to the kitchen door. I picked up the short woman so she could see out of the small round window atop of the door. “Do you see the big burly guy with curly hair and the red shirt on at the end of the bar? That would be the man Edward is leaving me for,” I informed her. 

“Oh! Wow, he is hot,” was her supportive response. I dropped her to her feet unexpectedly. 

“Alice!” 

“Sorry,” she begged. “How do you know all of this? Does this have something to do with how you went from moody to happy and back to moody in a week’s time?” 

I knew I couldn’t keep things from Alice. If no one else noticed she would. So I told her everything from Edward’s late night visit, to my plan to remind Edward of our love to that very morning when I saw Mr. All Muscle escort my Edward away from me. 

“Aww, Jasper, didn’t I tell you to move on.” 

“It’s not that damn simple!” I screamed. The guys standing by washing dishes turned to look at me. I think the don’t-fuckin’-start-with-me look in my eye encouraged them to go back to work. 

“I love him, Alice. I can’t just walk away. It not as easy as it sounds.” 

Alice was silent standing before me. I never known her not to have something to say but what did I expect her to do or say? She just stood rubbing my arm in small circles. 

“You want me to tell you when the asshole leaves?” She asked obviously trying to make me feel better.

I just nodded my head as I scratched at my eyes, trying to control my emotions.

I resurfaced after Alice came and gave me the all clear. I could see it in her eyes she wanted to say something else to me but for once she stopped herself. I only felt worst when I would look up to find her looking at me with sad, sympathetic eyes. I didn’t want sympathy. I just wanted Edward’s love. 

The day ended the way it had started. I was relieved to make it to my bed but sad as I sat freshly showered on my bed wondering if I should even bother with calling Edward. 

The game was over. 

In my mind Edward was already with Emmett. Edward had already made his choice and there would be nothing that I could do about it. Edward deserved the best and who was I to assume that this Emmett asshole couldn’t give it to him. 

Because you are the one he is supposed to be with. You are best for him.

In my head the words sounded like the utter truth. I knew no one could be better for Edward than I could. I could love him beyond myself and time and the pain the last weeks had caused us. I was it for Edward because he was it for me. 

Go tell him that. Finish this tonight.

I paced the small space between my waiting couch and the front door wondering if the pain I could feel at the end of the night, at the end of being rejected by Edward or seeing him with Emmett, be worth it. 

It was more than worth it. 

I snatched my keys from the table and headed out of the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, reviewing, and leaving your love!


	7. Chapter 7

Talk Ain’t Cheap  
Chapter 7

It seemed so foreign; unreal. It was the same size, color, and in the same spot but it was different now. It has always served the purpose of keeping those on the inside safe and those on the outside . . . well out. But now I was on the outside and that was out of order. 

I ran my hand over the hard, sanded wood. I had stood there looking at the contraption between me and finally getting Edward back for what seemed like an eternity. The brown wood was so imposing, so threatening to everything I wanted: stability, love, affection . . . 

Edward. 

All of it was behind the simple design of the dark wood, three gold hinges, nine screws, a matching gold deadbolt and lock set, and a threshold. Such a simple piece, but at that moment I could have sworn it was an indestructible, impenetrable, fortified barrier that was granting no one access.

Especially me. 

I raised my fist to make contact with the door. My hand froze in the air fighting against the idea that I may not be wanted on the other side. What if Edward was over me? What if he was with the curly head menace that seemed to haunt me all day? I turned around and survived the streets as if I would know his car if I saw it, but I didn’t. I didn’t know him or his car any more than I knew what Edward would say to me if he found me stalking his door. 

My brain ran in circles: stay or go, try or give up. I was going crazy. I sat down on the steps of the house, hiding myself in my hands. I couldn’t bring myself to leave but begging Edward for forgiveness didn’t seem like it would work in my favor, and at the same time it seemed unnecessary.

Yes, I worked at Durty Talk . . . . it was how we met. Yes, some psycho stalker caller wanted me to be his boy toy . . . well I am fucking hot. What do you expect? For all the love I had for Edward it seemed like I was getting a short end of the stick. I was sitting on the porch that belonged to the man I love, trying to figure out why he couldn’t believe I loved him and wanted him!

My mind couldn’t rationalize how Edward could let all of our good times go. Things weren’t always so hard between us. In fact it was mostly good. Above all else, I loved him. But did he understand that, did he believe me?

There was only one way to find out, once and for all.

I stood from the spot on his steps and took the stance before the imposing door. Raising my fist to make contact for the second time, I could feel my heart beating against my rib. I couldn’t catch my breath, the air around me seeming too heavy or thick. 

My hand landed on the door. The three rasps of the wood echoing on the silent porch. I looked around my surroundings, checking to see if my noise had disturbed any unintentional person. I took in extra breaths trying to calm my shaking nerves. I could feel my pulse around my body, and the sweat collecting on my hands. I rubbed my hands up and down my legs, trying to calm. 

There was no answer. 

I knocked again, twice as many times as before, twice as loud. I looked down at my watch seeing the ungodly hour, but feeling certain that should mean Edward was home. I turned and looked at the sidewalk and street. The neighborhood was sleep. No cars, no people; only me disturbing the peace of the night. 

I glanced at my watch again knowing the time hadn’t changed but my hope in reconciling with Edward had. 

I laid my hand and head against the keeper of my treasure, praying for admittance. Slapping my hand against the wood door, not enough to wake what I hope was only a sleeping Edward. I didn’t trust myself to try again. I walked backwards from the door, too afraid to take my eyes away. I sat in the car feeling defeated and angry. There seem to be no end to the pain I was feeling. I drove and drove; my sight blurry from the tears that didn’t seem to want to fall. The salty water burned my eyes as I wiped them away with the back of my hand. The truth was that I was hurt and though it pained me to think Edward may not believe me I really did love him, miss him and need him.

Suddenly it didn’t matter who was wrong or who was right. It didn’t matter under what circumstances that we were over . . . the fact that we were no longer was all that was weighing on me. 

As I moved the vehicle around in what I though was random stops and turns, it had inevitably led me to the place that was undoubtedly Edward and mine’s.

The gazebo. 

I sat in cab of my truck looking at the white arches and steps, cursing my subconscious for bringing me to this place of pain and comfort. My heart bled more to see the wooden structure. The place that held so many happy memories, including the night Edward and I officially came to an end, looked different. The arches weren’t as high and the paint not as white. It seemed devoid of all things good and let it still called to me.

I stepped out of the truck, no intentions of approaching the broken piece of my memory yet needing to be closer. I leaned against my truck, stirring not at the structure but the memories that were there. My heart swelled . . . my eyes burned of more tears . . . my body grew uneasy . . . remembering and wishing I was back there with that Edward and those promises. I couldn’t bear being away any longer. I longed to be in those memories, in that past. I could no longer fight against the urge to sit amongst the happy times I saw before me, and approached the cherished spot of me and my lover’s past.

I didn’t see the figure there until I stood at the very steps where he walked away from us.

My breath hitched at the sight of him. Of all places this was the last place I suspected him to be. Something about our last encounter, our last conversation, I couldn’t think that the place meant anything good to him . . .

So why would he be here?

His head turned towards where I stood, likely only wondering what figure was blocking the street light that lightly illuminated the space he sat. I was frozen in place, not knowing if it best for me to leave or to stay. He didn’t have to speak to know that he had not come to this place in hopes of finding me here. He came to be alone, possibly to be back in the same place that I to was longing for . . . or so I hoped.

He dropped he head at the sight of me, scooting closer to the further wall on the bench in which he sat. The still quiet night allowed me to hear the breath he took when he saw my face; the shock of me being there. I was still frozen; feeling I needed to leave and stay. The conundrum battling in me, leaving my limbs unmovable for the time. 

“Jasper . . . I . . . um . . . I was waiting on your call.” Edward whispered.

The sound of his voice moved through me. I could feel that long lost sensation I always felt when too much time was away from him. It both made me uneasy and also quivering.

“I . . . I thought you might . . . be busy . . . or with someone.” I waited to look into eyes that were uncannily visible in the barely lit gazebo.

“Who would I be with?” Edward asked. I could hear the angry tone in his voice. For the first time, he moved into what was left of the dim light. 

I could see the red of his eyes, the reminiscent streaks of tears on his fair skin. His cracking voice obviously heavy with the tears he had already shed.

“I don’t know,” I lied.

Edward stared through me, through my falsehood; as he always could. I shifted uncomfortably on my feet waiting on him to reveal what he had picked from my mind. His eyes were so intense bearing into me, pass me.

Jasper,” he called to me. I knew that tone; the sound of his voice when he was pleading for me to just tell him what was on my mind. 

It worked; just like it always worked.

“Fine! I thought you were with HIM!” I shouted into the still, quiet night.

“Who the hell is him?” Edward stood turning to face me head on.

“Him . . . you know him . . . the him that is all muscle . . . the him that came into my job bragging about how you couldn’t resist him . . . the him that interrupted our call . . .” The anger or having to speak of him forced my legs and feet to move. I was pacing the floor of the gazebo growing more upset thinking of the man who had managed to win Edward over.

“The who? Wait! Are you talking about Emmett?”

I looked at Edward, no longer hiding my fear, anger, or pain at the thought of losing him to some other man. Now I knew his name . . . the name Edward would be saying in passion. The name of the better man. I sat down, no longer able to hold my own weight. 

“What . . . Who said I wanted to be with Emmett? How the hell did you come up with that? And what do you mean bragging?”

Edward’s voice rose with each question. This was the last conversation I wanted to have . . . or was it? This was the reason I stormed out of my apartment. This is why I was knocking on the very door that frightened me. This was what I wanted and it was now or never. I had to get it over with. When I walked away from this gazebo . . . this place . . . I was either leaving with Edward, with a future, with a second chance . . . or I was leaving alone.

I stood and approached Edward, driven by an unknown source of adredline.

“He, Emmett, you say? He stood in my coffee shop telling his friend how you couldn’t resist him. I sat there listening to another man talk about the man I love . . . talk about the man I wanted to be with; AND I COULDN’T SAY A DAMN THANG ABOUT IT!”

I rubbed my hands through my hair pacing the old stained wooden floor. 

“I love you more than I understand anymore. I have tried and tried and tried to convince you of that and what the fuck do I get? Huh?” I approached Edward again. My anger was over flowing. I could taste it on my tongue, making everything I needed to say bitter.

“I get you toying with me. I get you caring enough about me to wake me so I am not late for work. Or showing up at my door in the middle of the night and climbing into my bed, but not telling me how you feel even after I pour everything I am out to you. I get you playing my phone game only to turn me away when something with curly hair and muscles approach you.”

I could hear my voice rising.

“You are constantly saying something about I should have said how I felt sooner . . . and I should have. . . I know that now but what about you?”

“What,” Edward started but I wouldn’t let him finish.

“Who the hell am I to you? What do you feel? Have you lost any sleep over me? Did you ever love me?” The tears burned again and my voice cracked.

“Yes, I love you!”

“Then why didn’t you say something!?” Both of our voices were rising higher. I could feel my blood pressure climb, making my head swim. “Why Edward? Why should I believe you now? Why didn’t you say something?” I badgered and screamed in Edward’s face.

“BECAUSE I WAS AFRAID! OKAY! I WAS AFRAID TO SAY SOMETHING ‘CAUSE I DIDN’T WANT TO RUN YOU AWAY . . . And . . . and then,” Edward’s voice began to grown quieter. 

I couldn’t believe my ears. Edward’s words took every drop of fear and frustration away. I was too afraid to speak, knowing he needed to say more and I needed to hear it.

“And then you said it, here, that night, and I thought you were lying to me. But you said it again and again,” Edward said looking into my eyes. “When we finally talked at your place that night I think it was the first time I actually believed you, but . . . when I needed to say the words to you I realized I was still afraid.” Edward turned his back on me; walking to his previous seat.

Edward covered his face with his hands and I could hear his breathing raggedly being drawn in and out of his mouth. My heart broke even more inside, seeing him in pain. The very pain I questioned if he could even feel.

“What Edward?” I kneeled before him. “What were you so afraid of?”

I pried his hands away from his face. Even in sadness and tears he was the most beautiful thing in the world to me. I dried his tears from his blushed cheeks and swollen eyes. What he was afraid of didn’t matter to me; only removing every ounce of pain from him did.

Edward fell from his seat and into my arms, knocking me completely to the floor. I cradled him there, hugging him securely in place. I felt wrong. In my arms a man was crying but all I could think was how warm he was . . . how I never wanted him to move, and how I missed being strong for him. 

Time moved around us but we never did. Edward tears stopped; as did mine as we lay across the floor of our gazebo. I held onto Edward with every fiber of my being, holding my breath . . . afraid at any moment we would have to move and the moment would be over. I didn’t know what we would be when we stood up. I just wanted to bask in the feel of him in my arms for a moment longer. 

“I miss the weight of your arm over my waist; the feel of the pad of your thumb brushing circles on my stomach just to the side of my navel” Edward said, breaking the silence. “It made me feel possessed by someone and wanted; like you were marking me. When I lay in bed a night without you, I can still feel the faint pressure of your thumb there. I am no longer filled with the butterflies I once felt but a pain, heavy and gut wrenching, that reminds me how I made the biggest mistake of my life.” 

The sound of his voice was still dejected. It spoke still to an uncertainty that was to us; a feeling I did not like. I didn’t plan to find myself in this place when I left my apartment seeking Edward, no more than I planned to have him in my arms at the end of the night. But I was there and he was here with me. 

“How could I walk away from us? How could I leave you here in our place, all alone?”

Edward’s tear soaked eyes took in the site of the dark gazebo. I wondered if it looked the same to him as it did to me. Despite how we last stood in this spot, now more than ever, it still reminded me of the times shared, conversations had, and the moments of passion that started here and ended in one of our beds. This place was still sacred to me, it was why I sought it out this night, looking for something that reminded me of love when I couldn’t have him.

“But of all the things I miss, I think I miss getting to hold you above all else. Wrapping my arms around you, making sure no one, and nothing came between us. Maybe I didn’t hold you tight enough,” Edward continued.

“No, Edward, you did!” I motioned for Edward to face me. He turned as requested and I shifted him back into my arms. “Babe, you held me so tight that I haven’t been able to breathe since you let me go. I need you, Edward. I love you more now than I ever have. Baby, I am so . . .”

“No, Jasper, don’t say it. This is my fault.” Edward jumped up from our place on the floor, out of my arms. My body didn’t know how to react. “I should have trusted you; known you would have never done anything with him. You would never betray me; do something to intentionally hurt me. I shouldn’t have pressured you into saying that you love me.” 

“No, you shouldn’t have,” I said as I stood to my feet. Edward turned to look at me again. “Edward, you should have kicked my ass for not seeing it sooner.”

Edward laughed, taking his previous seat. I followed behind him, pulling him closer. My heart swelled at Edward clinching his hand tightly around mine. He brushed his thumb over mine, sighing. I laid my cheek on the top of his head. His hair was still soft and felt like heaven on my face.

“Wait, you smell different,” I said not realizing how it sounded. “I mean I am not accusing you of anything. I was just saying you normally smell like strawberries, but now you kind of smell like” . . .

“You,” Edward completed.

“Yeah . . . you smell like me.”

Edward looked up, his eyes a darker green and his cheeks flushed with their usual red. I brushed my hands across his warm face; the color under the skin lighting, only to return when I removed my hand. 

“I missed you so much. I found a bottle of your body wash in the bathroom.” Edward looked up into my eyes, “The things you do when you . . . love someone.”

I understood that more than anything, but I didn’t have the words to share. 

~oOo~

It didn’t look as threatening as I stood before it now, being ushered in by Edward. What was once impenetrable, what was once keeping me out, was now open to me and inviting me in. 

I followed closely behind Edward as he walked into the house. I felt like I was home; returning to the thing I needed most. Though the rooms were dark I took every step with a surety as if I had never missed a day there. I pulled Edward through the dark house, anxious to have him back in my arms. 

This time for good . . .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you in advance for your kudos and comments. Would love to hear from you!


	8. Chapter 8

Talk Ain’t Cheap  
Chapter 8

I could feel the warm sun pouring into the window onto my face. The light was bright behind my eyes and yet felt radiant as it spread over me. Distinctively my arms squeezed what I thought was the pillow so warmly pressed against my chest. But this pillow was firm and smelled of mint. It was then that he moved closer into my arms, pushing out a warm breath that tickled the skin on my chest.

My eyes opened slowly and I could feel the smile spread across my face as I was full of remembrance of the night before. Edward still lay clenched in my arms as our legs tangled. The exhaustion of the words we shared drove us to fall into bed partially dressed, atop of the blankets. Our shirt and shoes discarded somewhere across the room. Our jean clad legs wrapped around each other like a knot. 

Slowly I opened my eyes, rewarded with a beautiful fair skin, copper hair and a faint smile playing across Edward’s lips. My hand rubbed the skin of his side. I recalled Edward’s words of how my touch made him feel and I couldn’t help but smile, touching him more. I would never let him ago again if he allowed me. I hoped our night of revelation meant something between us had finally given way to our feelings. We would be together again. I needed that more than anything.

Edward began to stir, pulling closer into my chest, his hands finding their way to the hair that fell into my face. 

“Good morning,” he said hoarsely.

“Mornin’, suga.”

Suddenly, I was wishing he had returned to sleep. I didn’t want to come out of the moment we shared. But there was no way to move forward if I held onto him in this bed for forever. We would have many more days and night here, but the part of us that was goin’ to move forward in life awaited us outside Edward’s bedroom.

It all started with now.

“Sleep, okay?” I asked. 

We had been up so long, talking and crying in our gazebo. When we made it to his place we were in no hurry. We reassured each other with intimate kisses and touches, but nothing more. It seemed we felt the same way; we needed the touch of one another, but more than that we needed the acclimation that we were together again. We didn’t make love that night, but we seemed to be closer than we ever could have been. The hours of looking into each other’s eyes seemed to pass slowly, but the lateness of the night was not lost on either of us. We couldn’t have been sleep long before we were awoken by the morning sun, but I felt far from tired. I was more rested than I had been in weeks. 

“Yeah, I feel pretty good. You?”

I lowered my lips down to Edward’s. I softly kissed him, no urgency and no need other than wanting to feel his skin close to mine again. 

“Never better,” I said as I opened my eyes to look upon his face. 

The smile on Edward’s lips was as beautiful as the blush on his face.

“Jasper, there is something I need to tell you,” Edward said. The look in his eyes was serious and intense. “Emmett did come here to ask me out last night.”

I didn’t know how to respond. A part of me had already knew that, I told Edward as much, but to hear it confirmed sent a chilling feeling down my spine. I closed my eyes trying to relish in the fact that it was me Edward was with now.

“He brought me that flower,” he continued.

My eyes dashed to the dark red rose that sat on top of Edward’s dresser. I was mad to see the object had made its way to Edward’s room. I wondered what that meant. Surely Emmett hadn’t been in here, right? But oddly it made me feel better: it proved Emmett didn’t know Edward the way I did. Edward didn’t do flowers. Though a part of me took pleasure and knowing Edward hadn’t shared who he really was to Emmett, I was still pained to see the evidence of Emmett’s advances. 

I wondered if Edward would object to throwing it away.

“I never thought that he liked me. We were just friends; talked during class a little after you and I . . . separated.” The words hung heavy in the air, fresh mention of the past that was only just hours rectified. “I told him no; I told him I didn’t want to see anyone else.”

Edward moved closer, tangling his hands between our bodies. Edward tucked his head under my chin, rubbing my chest with his thumb. I hadn’t been so complete, so warm in the inside for so long. It proved it was Edward that I was truly missing.

“Jasper,” he called me, “I told him that I didn’t want to be with anyone, but you.”

My heart skipped at his words. He did think about me during this ugly mess. He did want me all along. We let our own fears and anger keep us apart.

“I’ve missed you so much,” I said looking into his deep green eyes. “I need you to know that I really love you and I will spend the rest of my life showing you with every touch and kiss.”

“I love you too, Jasper.”

The electricity buzzed around us as he slowly leaned into my body with a searing kiss. My body wanted more of Edward and the feel of him being pressed into my leg told me he wanted more of me too.

My eyes closed at the contact, as my free hand fell to his hip. As my arm lay across his body my fingers rubbed against the skin over the small of his back, dipping just below the waist band of his briefs. Quickly the passion between us escaladed as our tongues danced for dominance. Edward moaned as I devoured his Adam’s apple. I pulled his hard body closer to mine, no longer gently scratching his back but taking the globes of his ass into my hands. Letting go of his hand, I wrapped him in my arms to feel how much I wanted and needed him. Edward gasped as he rubbed against each other, over and over again. Our full body separated by nothing more than two pairs of jeans. I took advantage of his parted lips to bite and taste his now swollen flesh. I needed to feel him, skin to skin. 

My hands made quick work of his jeans as he worked over mine. Rolling Edward onto his back, I kissed my way down his hard chest, and nuzzling into the soft red hair that trailed down his body into my destination. I pulled his pants away from his legs; his boxers with them. I looked down at his fully naked body. Edward was a perfect sculpture of a man. Hard and needing me as much as I needed him. 

Edward stood to his knees, slowly taking my face in his hand as he kissed me softly. I felt so protected and loved as his hands trailed from my cheeks, down my neck and shoulders, and resting on my waist. He slowly slid my pants away until my position on my knees forced them to stop. I lay onto the bed to remove the obstruction. Edward lay at my side, taking me in his hand as he softly bit into the skin at my side. I could feel the warm trail of his kiss and licks as he moved around my body. The sensation of Edward’s mouth and hand sent me into a utopia I had only dreamed about for so many weeks. My hands instinctively went to Edward’s hair when I felt him swallow me down his throats. I was in paradise as Edward worked me over just to the brink of release before he stopped.

Edward climbed into my lap, moving closer, touching more and desires consuming us. For a moment I was lost in all of Edward’s sensation as his hands buried in my hair. Edward grinded his hard cock onto mine. My hands went to his hips silently begging him pause; in fear I would come too soon. 

Our lips danced again as I calmed, wanting to love his perfect body as long as possible. My hand squeezed between our bodies, taking him into my grip. He was so hard and soft as I used the trails of his pre-cum to smooth the friction between our skins. Edward’s head fell back in passion and I placed my lips at his throat nibbling at his spot. I could hear Edward’s moans as well as feel them in his chest as he growled my name. 

“Please, Jasper,” Edward whispered as he looked into my eyes with a want I had not seen in so long. 

It took my breath away.

I reached into the draw beside the bed for our lube. Edward nibbled at my jaw and ear as I rubbed the warming liquid in my hands before taking us both in my hold.

“Oh . . . Jasper . . . yes!” Edward moaned as I glided my full hands over us. 

“Love, I need you, please,” Edward begged.

I rolled Edward onto his back, holding him tightly in one arm as I gradually stretched him, preparing his body with my fingers and more lube.

“Not as much as I need you, Edward. I can’t breathe when we are apart. You are everything to me and I don’t want to spend another minute without you by my side.”

Connecting with Edward again, being so close to him, filling him, consumed by the passion he fed into me with each thrust of our bodies, took my breath away. 

“I love you, Edward.”

“I love you too, Jasper.”

~TAC~

My body was exhausted in the best possible way and for the best possible reason. Edward lay tucked under my side, drawing circles on my chest with his finger. I buried my face in his hair smelling the mix of his scent and me all in one. My entire body hummed with peace and tranquility. The silence was welcomed and added to the peace of the room.

I jumped at the sound of my phone vibrating and blaring the sounds of “God Bless Saturdays” by Kid Rock. 

The sound of work calling my name.

Edward sat up from his place in my arms. My stomach felt like it dropped in the absence of his weight. I reached for the phone that sat on the night stand; thinking angry thoughts of the device that interrupted Edward and mine’s morning. I lay back on to the pillow; my hand went to the small of Edward’s back, just needing to feel him.

I looked at the collar ID and back at Edward. The look in his eyes went from love to pain. He knew who was calling me. He sat back against his pillow, moving my hand from his back. I watched as he ran his hands through his hair; crossing his arms at his chest. The realization hit me with a startling shock: He was expecting me to leave. He didn’t yet believe anything had changed.

The phone stopped ringing while I sat and watched Edward. I tried to move closer to him only for him to move away. So soon we had made up and already he thought I was going to leave him. The phone rang again and this time I didn’t hesitate to answer.

“Hello?” I said never taking my eyes off Edward.

He refused to look at me.

I watched as he quickly ran his hand across his cheek. I was already making him cry.

“Short staffed? . . . . You need me to come in? . . . . Sorry Megan, I can’t make it in today.”

Edward turned to look at me, his eyes already red from the tears he had tried to hide.

“I know Megan, sorry to hear Corey is sick, but I just can’t make it.” I turned to look away from Edward as if I didn’t know my words meant something important to him.

“Yup, I’ll be there tomorrow at noon . . . Okay, talk to you then . . . Bye.”

I ended the call, casually disabling the screen as I placed the phone on Edward’s night stand. When I sat back from my slump position, over the side of the bed, I found Edward sitting much closer. He played with the edge of the sheet. 

I wrapped my arm around his shoulder, not saying a word, looking straight ahead . . . waiting on him to say something.

“Why didn’t you go into work?”

“I have something else to do today.”

“Oh,” Edward said, sounding unsure.

The damage of our past was evident. I had work to do to show Edward that not only did I love him, but he meant more to me than a job, or money. I didn’t want this distrust between us. 

I continued to watch Edward, wishing I had his talent of perception; needing to know what he was thinking. All I could do was pull him closer, reassure him that I was here and that I was going to stay there.

“Edward, I am not going anywhere.”

“Yeah?”

“Talk to me, Edward. I’m not as good at reading you as you are at reading me.”

Edward looked at me and I couldn’t help but see the sadness, fear, and shame in his eyes. But as quickly as I saw it, he moved from me, hiding it as he always did.

“I guess I am still waiting on you to run off. Leave me, alone,” Edward said brushing aside another lone tear. “I know you won’t always be with me and I know I am being stupid,” he ranted.

“You aren’t being stupid,” I interrupted.

“Yes, I am! It’s completely irrational to think you’re going to stay. You have to work, you have to have a life away from me or we’ll get on each other’s nerves and start resenting each other.”

“That may be true, but things will be different this time.”

I pulled Edward back into my lap. The closer we were the better I felt and the more it reassured Edward that this was not a dream; we were real.

“How? How do you know? Edward asked.

I could see the panic behind his eyes. 

“Because, I know all too well what it is like to be without you. I don’t ever want to feel that way ever again. I’m not afraid anymore.”

~TAC~  
~One Year Later~

“I thought I was supposed to be spending the morning after graduation getting over a hangover,” Carlisle groaned as he pushed one of the larger boxes towards the gate of my truck.

“I wouldn’t know anything about that,” I replied as I drug another box off the bed to place on the ground.

“You will. This next year is going to speed by.”

The school had only reinstated half of the amount of each student’s academic scholarship, leaving me with fifty percent of the bill. My financial aid officer tried to convince me to take out a student loan, but I refused. I had made it through eight semesters without barrowing money, and I wanted to finish that way. The down side was that I had to tack on an entire year to my expected graduation. Talk about shit that sucked. It also meant I was left without a roommate since Carlisle was both graduating and headed back to Maine to continue through his Masters.

And that’s how I ended up moving in with Edward.

“I mean, yeah it sucks to have to wait another year, but how great is it going to be rooming with Edward?” Carlisle bounced his eyebrows annoyingly.

I was going to miss this asshole. He always did know how to lighten the mood.

I smiled thinking about how I was going to wake up every morning wrapped up in Edward’s arms and legs, and seeing his gorgeous green eyes. We can end every night the way we did the night before: hot, sweaty, sticky, and exhausted. This shit was going to be awesome. . . I hoped.

“Yeah, this is pretty cool.”

It was one of the best moments in my life when Edward showed me my closet space and the places for all my things; all before I even realized that I was going to need a new roommate. He had already thought about what was going to happen when Carlisle graduated. I wasn’t completely naive. I knew every day with Edward wasn’t going to be all smiles, but I was willing to see what happened.

I loved him more each day, in ways I still didn’t understand.

Carlisle and I pushed two of the larger boxes to collect with the others in the bedroom. We only a few smaller boxes left.

“So how are you and Esme holding up?”

“Man, this long distance is going to be crazy hard, but we are determined to make it work.”

Esme was headed to New York to Master architect and design. I was rooting for Carlisle and Esme to make it. Nobody belong together like those two . . . well, except Edward and me.

I couldn’t yet imagine what it would be like to be so far from Edward.

“We are going to drive and see each other every other weekend, taking turns on who drives. I’m going to try my damnedest to get to her conferences.” Carlisle paused leaning against the box he was moving. “It’s going to be totally worth it thought.”

Carlisle and I finished moving everything. In exchange for him helping me, I helped him pack up the trailer he would be driving across the country. It was bitter sweet to slam the door on that U-Hall. We had been sharing a too small space, from dorm room to one bedroom apartment, for four years. I hoped that our friendship could withstand the distance as well.

I finished off the day putting away all my things as neat and clutter free as possible. I was determined to be done before Edward returned. He had started his internship with The Press, a local newspaper. Edward’s new position had him very excited and only made me think Edward had no intentions of returning to Chicago. He was making Washington home. Edward was my life so that meant I was making Washington home too. 

Edward and mine’s past and future ran through my mind as I showered, dressed and paid the pizza guy for our would-be dinner. I had just sat down on the couch when the door swung back open.

Despite it only being a full day since I had seen Edward, my heart had leapt at the sight of him; so happy to see him home. He looked a little more ruffled than he did when he left me that morning, but smiling all the same.

“Hey babe, how was day one?” I asked cracking open the soda I had pulled out of the fridge for myself, but instead handing it to him.

“Confusing, busy, hard, long.” Edward took a long drink from the bottle before continuing, “It was the best day ever!”

I could hear the excitement in his voice. I could only laugh at his energetic attitude. I stood up and pulled him into a long gentle kiss, holding him close and tight. One hand around his waist and the other touching his beautiful face, I felt whole again.

“Go get cleaned up and then you can tell me all about it. Pizza is waiting.”

“No! I don’t wanna wait.”

Edward pulled me behind him, and I happily followed, listening as he filled me in on his day. I had never been so interested to hear about job duties, responsibilities, work stations, co-workers and future employment possibilities. From the bedroom to shower and back around to the living room, I just listened and smiled, absorbing his enthusiasm and energy. It flowed from him so freely I could feel it as if it was me.

“I really think I can be there permanently,” Edward concluded as we found ourselves back on the couch, consuming reheated pizza.

Our first night as roommates continued that way. We sat together, Edward lying in my lap, and watched some corny vampire movie Edward wanted to see. We ignored phone calls and every once in a while Edward would think of something else to tell me about his new job.

It was easy and comfortable.

And when we finally decided to call it a night we drugged each other to bed, falling back onto each other’s arm.

I laid awake a better part of the night only thinking of how things may have been had Edward and I had not found our way back to each other a year ago. What seemed small in the beginning became monstrous for us and almost was our end. But we got passed it and now we were stronger; proven by the way Edward wrapped his arms around me and sighed in contentment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for taking the team to read. I hoped you enjoyed.

**Author's Note:**

> *~*Please Review*~*


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